Killing Me : Varia :
by dashi-09
Summary: Violette stumbles upon an unexpected relative. Now living at the Varia base, who will she come to know?
1. Chapter 1

_I've never been the type to talk. At all. Especially not with strangers. I was a good girl; I always did what Mommy told me to. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Not now, since she's . . . gone._

_But now they've come after me. Damn it! What did I ever do to them? Nothing! This is all his fault. That idiot; why did you leave us alone Father? Was it my fault? Did I ruin your plans? Even if I did, you shouldn't have left her all alone. Being a single mom in Italy... you get belittled. And since I only had her, I'm alone. And running.... from a maniac... that wants to kill me. Gee, thanks __**Dad**__._

_Well, it's better than sitting at home. What am I talking about? No it's not! I'm getting chased by a psychopath and I'm glad I'm not sitting at home? ... I've gone crazy._

_Ouch... What? Why am I lying down? Oh... I must have tripped. Damn it. AH! Shit! That hurts! Get your foot off me, you bastard! Why don't you just stop trying to kill me? This is so pointless. Why am I even struggling...? I have nothing to live for. Mom's dead. Father's missing. I have no one else. I thought I wasn't ready to die... but maybe I am. I don't care anymore. I... I just.... I want my mommy. I need her smile. I'm sorry Mom. I never wanted this to happen. I'm sorry Father. I never meant to ruin your plans. Send me to the people I need, god! Put me out of my misery!_

***

"Yea, I just found her like that."

"They why are you all bloody?"

"Well, some guy was beating on her..."

"Voooiiii!! What do you think you're doing? The boss is going to freak! And you'll end up putting the blame on me somehow!"

"Ushishishi. You bet it."

"Voooiiii! You little brat...!"

"Ushishishi. You're just jealous you didn't find her!"

"No I'm not! She's skinny! She'd be of no use to me. To any of us! Voooiiii! Why did you bring such a worthless girl here?!"

_Worthless.... That's exactly what I am. Worthless. No one wants me. I bet Mom wanted to die. Just to get away from me. I'm such a screw up. I'm sorry Mom, Dad. I hope you're in a better place. I hope you won't have to deal with me anymore._

"What's wrong with her? Is she having a nightmare?" Someone put there hand on my cheek, "She's crying...."

"Voi! Why do you care?" The other person snapped.  
_  
I hadn't even noticed I started crying. Damn it! Why is this happening?!_

*"Dove mi trovo?" I asked, not opening my eyes.

"Oh _shit_... you're awake." The hand retreated from my face.

"Dove cazzo sono io?" I asked, sitting up. I opened my eyes, now looking at a wall.

"Ushishishi. Such a bad tongue for a girl."

I turned to look a blond boy, his bangs hanging in front of his eyes. A small tiara sat atop his head, and a sly grin was spread across his face.

I tried to hide my anger. _Why did he bring me here? Didn't he know I wanted to die? What's wrong with him? _

"Answer my f*cking question or I'm going to scream." I said feeling tears sting my eyes again.

"You're at the Varia headquarters." Said the other man in the room; his voice hurting my ears.

"Vongola's Ultimate Independent Assassination Team, eh? I really fell into the wrong hands." I said, tears unconsciously spilling out of my eyes.

The blond frowned, "What do you mean? I saved your life!"

"Who said I wanted to be saved?!" I screamed, unable to stop my tears, "I wanted to die! I have nothing to live for! Why did you save me?"

I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew the blond was staring at me. I hung my head, lifting my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"Like the silver-haired guy said; I'm worthless. Why would you save a stupid, weak girl like me?"

"I could have ripped you apart." The boy said, getting out 3 knives.

"Then what are you waiting for?" I asked, looking at him.

He continued to frown, "You're not worthy."

I let out a wail, slumping over and hitting my head against the wall.

The door slammed open, "What's going on in here?"

"Voi! I don't want to be part of this!" The silver-haired guy said loudly before stomping out of the room.

"Bel?"

"This girl wants to die." The blond said.

"Why?"

The blond shrugged. "I won't kill her though."

"Why not?"

"No point in killing someone who wants to die; there's no struggle."

"I don't care! Just give me a knife! I'll do it myself!" I cried, ripping my head upward, to look at the blond.

He turned from me, "No. Use a kitchen knife, not one of mine."

He walked out of the room, passing a black haired man. I gasped.

_Him? Is it him? It can't be! He's gone! Those scars, they look exactly like his! But this is impossible! He looks so old! Mom said he would be.... at least 20._

"Xanxus..." I said quietly.

"How do you know my name?" He asked questionably, raising an eyebrow.

"It's me. Violetta! D-don't you remember?" I asked desperately.

I watched his eyes widen and an outward gasp escaped his lungs. He muttered my name, "Violetta...."

"I'm sorry Xanxus. I didn't mean to come here. Give me a pair of cloths and a few minutes and I'll be out of your life forever."

"What are you talking about?!" He came over, grabbed me and picked me up, "You think I want you to leave now?!"

"But I thought..." My sentence drifted off.

He pulled me close to him, "No way! You're my little sister! I'm not going to let you go now! I just found you! After 15 years! I finally found you!"

I grasped his shirt tightly, my head hitting his shoulder, "Why? Why do you want me? Why didn't that blond let me die?! Why don't you just kill me!?"

"Because you're important, Violetta! I don't want you to leave!"

"But Father ran away!" I screamed, "He never wanted me! I ruined everything for him! And now Mom's dead! I won't see her again unless I'm with her! Please, _God!_ Just kill me!"

"Violetta..." Xanxus said, pulling me down to sit on the bed. I looked down at the floor, my hands clasped tightly to each other. "Look at me Violetta."

I slowly turned to look at him. He had a sad look in his eyes. I choked, tears still coming uncontrollably out of my eyes. I couldn't speak, I whispered one word. "Why?"

"Violetta. Father didn't run away. You never ruined anything. Mother kicked Father out because he was a drunk. I don't know who killed Mother, or why they killed her, but I know that she wouldn't have wanted her little girl to die just because of her."

"I don't care anymore! I don't have anything to live for anymore!" I sobbed, pulling him closer and clinging to him.

"Sshhh... It's alright Violetta. You'll be alright." Xanxus picked me up, standing so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He sat down on the bed, leaning his back against the wall as he held me. He pet my head, his fingers tangling through my hair, then untangling themselves before they got to the bottom of my knotted locks. He kept repeating, 'You'll be alright' until, finally, I decided to believe him.

_Violetta. Don't worry. You'll be alright. You have someone to live for._

***

My mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. She had long, flowing black hair and dazzling eyes that could stun anyone from just one look. She was on the pale side, but she wouldn't have looked good with a tan. My Father fell for her with one look. She had been playing the violin outside the Duomo di Milano when he saw her.

It was late at night, said Mother when she told me the story, and not many people were out. But the few people would listen to her play. Some would go over and throw coins at her feet, although she didn't need them. She just wanted to play somewhere where she wouldn't get in trouble for it. In a city this dangerous, she didn't have many places to go.

He had come over and asked for her number, which was weird and kinda creepy. But for some reason, she gave him her number. After a year of going out, he asked for her hand in marriage. She said yes, and after a two months, she became pregnant with Xanxus, my older brother. Since she had married my father at the age of 23, they weren't ready for the child. That's why, after discovering he was so powerful, they gave him to the 9th Vongola boss. When he was 9, I was born, and since my mother was now, 32, she decided to keep me. But she never told me why my father had to leave. She just said he left, and wouldn't say anything else.

Now, I'm back in Xanxus' arms, and I don't think I would've lived unless he had been there. But I doubt the rest of the Varia like me much. I could feel them glare at me as I walked down the hallway or something. I reverted back to my old self, the one that didn't talk much. I only ever spoke to Xanxus, and that was only if he asked me something. His frequent question was 'Are you alright, Violetta?' Of course, since I was still recovering, my answer was always, 'Of course I am. Don't worry about me.'

Turns out, Xanxus only knew I was related to him because the adoption papers said that he had a sister, and it showed a little picture of me when I was five. I guess I still look the same; still childish and young. But he's helped fill in the gaps; why the 'birthmark' on my back look so much like one of the scars on his face; why Father 'ran away'. I've found that my life has been riddled with lies; holes in the story that are now all patched up. But I'm not sure what I like more; holes or patches.

***

It was late, midnight maybe, when Levi, Lussuria and Bel came walking into my room. I had been asleep until Lussuria let out a squeal. I turned to look at them as Bel touched my cheek gently.

"Are you awake Violetta?" He asked. I could almost see his eyes, since his bangs were hanging down, moving slightly from his face.

"Mmmm..... Now I am..." I said, rubbing my eyes tiredly, "What are you guys doing in here? Why aren't you asleep?"

"Come on. We want to show you something." Bel said, taking his hand off my face.

I yawned, sitting up. "But I'm in my pj's.... Shouldn't I-"

"It's alright. Just put a sweater on or something. No one is going to see us." Bel said, grabbing a sweater off my desk chair and handing it to me.

Lussuria squealed again, "Oh! This is so exciting! We've never brought a girl there before! Oooohhhh!!"

"Shut up Lussuria. You're going to wake Squalo up." Levi said from the doorway.

I got out of bed and put the sweater on. Bel ushered me out the door and softly closed it. I noted that the other three were also in their pj's. Well, Levi and Lussuria were in pj's... Bel just had his boxers on. I was quiet, just like always as we silently made our way out of the headquarters. Lussuria squealed again as soon as we got outside.

"Stop it you idiot!" Levi hissed at Lussuria as he turned on a flashlight.

I looked at Bel, "Can you at least tell me where we're going...?"

Bel shook his head, then grinned, "Ushishishi. You'll just have to wait and see. This will be interesting to see."

"If you guys do anything bad to me, I'm going to get Xanxus to beat you up."

Lussuria laughed, "Oh Vio! It's alright! We won't hurt you!"

He placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled.

I looked up at him; he looked like a nice enough guy. I gently smiled back. We continued to walk down a path in the woods, Levi leading us further into the darkness.

"Violetta...?" Bel asked after a while.

"Yea...?" I said, glancing over to him,

"How come you never talk?" He asked, looking at me.

"I don't really need to, do I?" I said as something rustled in the bushes. I moved closer to him, "Oh my god!"

"Ushishishi. Calm down. It's just something small. Nothing's going to hurt us." Bel said, chuckling slightly.

"Shut up! I don't like getting scared!" I said, linking my arm with his, "These woods are so creepy."

"Oh! You're so cute Vio!" Lussuria said, jumping up and down a few times.

"We're here." Levi said, turning his flashlight off. It was suddenly pitch black.

"Gwah! Turn the flashlight back on, Levi!" I said, panicking.

"Ushishishi. It's alright, Violetta. We're all here. Nothing's going to hurt you. And you won't need the flashlight." Bel said, taking my hand in his.

"What do you mean?" I asked as we passed through an entrance in a bush.

"Look." Levi said, pointing up.

I followed his gaze and gasped, "Oh my goodness."

The sky was littered with stars. Some brighter than others, but all amazing; I guess out here in the Italian country side, you can really see the stars. I felt Bel squeeze my hand tighter. Out of reaction, I sat down on the rock we were standing on. Bel slowly sat down beside me, my hand still clasped in his.

"Oh! I love coming out here!" Lussuria said, sitting on the other side of me.

"How did you guys discover this place?" I whispered, not wanting to break the magic.

"I couldn't sleep one night and started wandering around. I found this when Lussuria pushed me through the bushes and I fell backwards, seeing the sky." Levi said. "It's still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Gosh. I wish they had this sky everywhere." I said, subconsciously leaning my head on Bel's shoulder.

"They do. It's just because of the large amount of light pollution." Bel said quietly.

We all didn't say anything for a minute.

"Look!" Bel said after a second. His hand moved from mine to wrap around my waist. He pulled my slightly closer and he lifted his other arm to point at a cluster of stars. "That's Scorpius."

"Oh! Oh! Over there is Canes Venatici!" Lussuria said, waving his arm towards another clump of stars.

They all started pointing to different groups of stars and naming the constellations. I lay my head on Bel's shoulder, following the fingers from one constellation to another. Once they ran out, we decided to head back.

But, unfortunately, the clouds rolled in and it started pouring. We had to run through a forest, in the dark, in the pouring rain. What fun!

Thank god we didn't get lost. We almost got attacked by a racoon or something, and we ended up getting _very _dirty and wet, but we got back to the headquarters alive.

When we stepped back in, Lussuria let out a squeal, "Oh! I hate being wet! I have to go change!"

He proceeded to his room while I rung out of my sweater. Levi hung up his jacket and Bel did the same. Bel looked over to me, "Do you have anything else to sleep in tonight?"

I looked at him and frowned, "No."

A sudden flash of lightning and a crash of thunder caused me to scream.

"Hey! What are you screaming for?" Levi asked, baffled at my sudden outburst.

Another flash of lightning and wild crack of thunder gave me another loud scream.

"Ushishishi. What a storm!" Bel said, grinning as he looked out of the window.

I ran to my room, slamming the door closed as I let out a sob.

Don't think I'm a wuss or anything. I was –am- terrified of lighting storms. I was little when I almost got crushed by a tree during a lightning storm. Just rain is fine, but when the lightning starts, I start freaking out. Mother, for some reason, was often out during these storms, so I was left alone. She told me to get over it, be a big girl and stand tall. But I... I just couldn't.

I covered my ears, my tears flowing down my cheeks. Another lightning bolt and crack of thunder filled my ears and I screamed a third time. _God! Why does this always happen? Why am I so scared?_

"Violetta? Are you alright?" I heard Bel ask from the other side of my bedroom down.

_Why is he here? Why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?_

I sniffled, then whispered, ever so quietly, "No..."

This one was the loudest. It must have been over 1000 decibels. The lightning and thunder came at the same time. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was terrified. I was going to die if I didn't find somewhere to hide. I crawled away from the door and hid under the bed.

"Ushishishi. That was loud." Bel said, turning the doorknob and stepping into my room. When he looked around and didn't see me, he got confused, "Violetta?"

"Go away." I sobbed. "Leave me alone."

He got on his hands and knees and bent down to look at me. I hid my face, not wanting him to see my weakness. I sobbed, "Go away."

"You're scared..." He said quietly. The tip of his finger touched my nose, "It's alright. I'll protect you if you're afraid."

"I don't need you!" I cried as another wild crack of lightning lit up the sky and a thunder loud enough to beat 100 Squalo's echoed throughout the house. I screamed and crawled out from beneath the bed, flying into Bel's arms.

"You'll be alright Violetta. I'll protect you. I promise." Bel said, petting my head softly, "I will."

* She's talking in Italian. She's asking, Where am I, and then she addes the F word. -.-"


	2. Chapter 2

_Whenever I can, I dance. It may seem girly, or weird, but I honestly love to. As odd as it is for a girl like me to do this, I dance ballet. I do it alone, unless in front of my old ballet coach, Arduino. He was very nice to me, and talked to me, even if I rarely said anything to him. He taught me all through my grade 3 to 9 years. But last year, he died in a car crash._

So now I'm on my own with it. I used to train at a recital hall in San Marino. But now that I live at the Varia base, I can't go there, or even practice that often. I hate it, because my legs are getting really stiff, and my right arm is getting itchy; those are signs that mean I need to dance. Not just want to; _**need**__ to. It's become an addiction, more than a hobby. So, with all these boys around, I've done it once or twice, at midnight... in my room; which is really cramped so I can't do much, and that sucks. But I can't complain._

I'm glad to be alive.  


Xanxus was out with Levi and Squalo. Marmon and Lussuria were getting groceries and Bel was asleep. Perfect. Since Xanxus is one of the best big brother's ever, he let be go back to San Marino and get some of my stuff to bring over; that included my ballet slippers and skates. A ballet outfit was brought along to, even if those were all hidden from Xanxus.

But now that everyone's out or asleep, I can dance! Finally! I moved the island out of the kitchen so the wood floor is perfect for practicing. And, although it's odd, there is a really large kitchen and living room space, and it all has wooden floors. So when I moved the chairs and island and area carpet and everything out of the way, there was a large enough space to do my routine.

I smiled to myself as I carefully tied up my ballet shoes. It felt good to have my Pointe shoes on again; though the block felt a little odd to have stick against my foot again. It'd been to long since I'd felt that soft fabric around my foot and ankle. I slowly stood to my feet and walked into the kitchen. I pressed play on the CD player as the beginning cords to Volevo Solo Dirti played. I slowly moved my foot to the fourth position and my arms to the third position.

I took in a deep breath and began to move. Swiftly, softly across the floor, one step, one beat at a time. My toes pointed as I spun a few times. Listening to his voice, I closed my eyes, ignoring all the obstacles to my sides. I stretched out my arms. As I turned into a jump, the music got to me, and I forgot all about my routine. I started dancing, just to the music, forgetting all the steps Arduino had make me practice day after day. I ignored the feeling of being closed in as I spun in circles.

Dancing made me forget. It always had. It made me forget about what was going on. It made me forget my surroundings and the fact that anyone was watching me. So, I forgot about Xanxus, and Mother and Father and the Varia and the chairs only to my right and just let the music move me. It wasn't hard. All the famous ballet critics that had seen me had called me amazing, and all I could say was, 'Thank the musicians.' Nothing made me want to dance more than great music. Piano, Violin, Guitar; the interment didn't matter. It was the way it was played. The way it was soft and smooth, like a creek or a river. Flowing, flowing, over the rocks and tree branches. Bringing everything fallen along with it. It still had its limitations though. The ground on either side of it;; the hard packed earth that was slowly being eroded was it's limitations. But, like ballet, those limitations are always being pushed farther away, the expanse growing wider. There will always be limitations, but they grow and grow, father, until it seems as if they aren't even there.

But like any river, there has to be rain. An ocean can't become an ocean without other sources of water. The encouragement needed to keep going is high. Ballet is hard; let no one tell you otherwise. It takes practice; a whole lot. But that doesn't mean it can't be done. It took me years to get over all the people trying to defeat me, and push me down. Like a dam holds water back, they held me back. It was hard to overcome, but I broke through them and let me movement flow with grace. I haven't been pushed down since. And if I have been, they haven't told me to my face. They know better than to do that.

I hadn't realised that the song had changed into Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 5 in A, 2nd Movement. When the song was over, I was panting. My black Pointe shoes had already gotten back into shape after being unused for about a month. My crimson shorts and top didn't look to sweaty. Even if they were, I'm used to it.

That's when I heard clapping. A loud clapping coming from a single pair of hands; I froze. Had someone been watching me? I let out a breath; I'd gotten close enough to the Varia that they couldn't be to hard on me for dancing like that. I slowly, ever so slowly turned around to see Bel smiling softly at me. I could see his right eye looking at me from between his bangs. I blushed, looking down at my feet and clenching my hands.

"Um... I... Um..." I helplessly tried to think of an excuse with no such luck.

"Beautiful Princess. You were beautiful." He said, pushing off of the wall he was leaning on.

I clasped my hands together behind my back, "Um... Thanks."

"Ushishishi. Don't look so nervous Princess. I won't tell. How'd you learn to do that?" He asked, coming over to me.

"Um... Arduino taught me. He was my ballet coach." I say, taking in a deep breath and letting it out again.

"Ushishishi. Amazing. You seem like you were born to do things like that." Bel said, smiling at me.

I looked up at him, smirking and lifting an eyebrow, "You think?"

"Yep." He said as his smile got bigger.

I'd gotten to know Bel the most over the month that I've stayed here. I'm kinda surprised he hasn't seen me dance yet. But we've learned a lot about each other, since we're so close in age. I told him about my fear of thunderstorms and how I love Italian love songs. He's told me about how many people he's killed, the sculpture's he's carved in his spare time and the fact that he writes. I've never been in his room, but apparently he has a wall with quotes stuck to it. Not just quotes; small poems that he finds anywhere. Some he makes himself. He read me one once and I loved it. He had called it _My Angel _and I remember I had thought it was so cute. What was it again? Oh, right:

_My angel, My demon_

_My only reason for leaving_

_And I'm done with grieving_

_& being sad because it's hard_

_It's hard to keep going_

_When it's a sharp secret you're keeping_

_But I'm the one who's leaping_

_Across this canyon of fear_

Now, it's your turn to fly

_My angel, please don't cry_

_We all have a time to die_

_Soar, it's not your time_

_It's time to learn about you_

_My demon, you have more than a few_

_Special talents that make you so new_

_Not like anyone I've ever seen_

Now, it's your turn to fly, 

_My angel you know you can't lie_

_So don't even try_

_I can see right through you_

_My demon, My everything_

_Open your mouth and sing_

_You be the queen and I'll be the king_

_And I'll save you from yourself_

I honestly think that is totally adorable. So I got him to write me a copy and I set it in my night side table drawer. I like to think that Bel's right there beside me and I can keep him close.

"So, was that a routine or just spontaneous?" Bel asked, getting eggs out of the fridge.

"I-it started as a routine but I kinda got out of hand and strayed from what I was supposed to do." I said, smiling nervously as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Ushishishi. Calm down. I'm not going to laugh at you or anything." Bel said, grinning as he got out a block of cheddar cheese. "Wanna help me with this?"

"Oh, sure." I say, moving into the kitchen and getting out a frying pan.

"What was the second song you danced to?" Bel asked.

_The questions just keep coming. _

"It was Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 5 in A, 2nd Movement." I said, turning the stove on and putting the pan on an element.

Bel put some butter in the pan, "Ushishishi. Interesting; I didn't think you'd be into classical."

"Well, it's ballet. You don't dance ballet to rock or metal." I say, cracking an egg onto the frying pan.

"Can you do it to Italian love songs?" He said, snickering.

"The first song I danced to was an Italian love song. You must've not seen me during that part." I said as Bel started chopping peppers.

"I guess not." Bel said, grinning, "But listen Princess. Will you dance for me?"

I froze, not sure what to say, "Uh... um.... D-dance?"

"Sure! Why not?" Bel smirked, "Are you to scared to dance in front of me?"

"No I'm not!" I hissed, turning my head and glaring at him. He knew I hated it when people thought I was scared of things.

"Then dance for me. The violin piece." He said, still smirking.

"Fine." I huffed, "Then let me stretch. I hadn't done it before so I should do it now."

"Alright Princess." Bel said, taking over the stove.

When Bel started calling me Princess, I don't really know. He just started one day and it stuck. Xanxus took notice one day and almost beat the crap out of Bel. Until I walked in and told them both to shut up and get their lazy asses to bed. Hey. I was tired and I hated it when people kept me awake. I've gotten used to it really. I think it's cute.

Once he was done making his omelette, he turned one of the chairs around to look at my 'stage'. I nervously turned on my CD player again played the second song instead of the first. I got into first position with my feet and second position with my arms. As the violin started playing, I began to sway, my feet started moving and my arms took delicate strokes across the air. I forgot Bel was watching me as I moved gracefully from position to position. I spun a few times, then leapt into the air, landing on my toes. I let my body move on its own, taking the body of the music and letting it move me. But this time, I did the routine, out of habit? I don't really know. I just did.

When the violin let out its last few notes, I let my limps go limp and I stood, panting with my eyes closed, feet in second position and arms in first position. Bel started clapping and I opened my eyes. He was grinning. I blushed, "Don't clap. It makes me feel self-conscious."

"How? You've preformed in front of thousands haven't you?" Bel asked, digging his fork into a piece of his omelette.

"Yes, but I practically ran off stage afterwards. Well, I bowed, and _then_ I ran off stage."

Bel laughed, "Cute Princess! Very Cute!"

I glared at him, "Oh shut up will you?"

"Voooiii!! That was boring!" Squalo said, slamming open the front door.

I gasped outwardly, running out of the room and dashing into my room. I slammed the door closed and opened my eyes widely.

"Bel? What the hell did you do with all the chairs?" Xanxus sounded annoyed.

"Um... I didn't move them..." Bel said; I could tell his mouth was full of omelette.

_Nice ratting me out Bel. Ass._

"Then who the hell did move them?" Xanxus asked, not buying his act.

"Princess. Ushishishi. She danced for me." I could tell Bel was grinning.

"What kind of dance?!" Xanxus' voice was getting louder, "What did you do to her you pervert?!"

_Wow, you jump to conclusions Xanxus. It wasn't a lap dance._

"Nothing! I got up and she was dancing around on the...stage.... and then I made breakfast and asked her to dance for me and she did!" Bel said.

"Why would anyone dance for you...?" Squalo snapped, obviously pissed off by something.

"Ushishishi. Because they don't want to dance for you." Bel said.

"Vooii!! Shut up you little brat!"

"What kind of dance was she doing for you?" Xanxus said, still angry at Bel.

"Play the CD. Second track. I think you can guess." Bel said, "Ushishishi."

_Screw you Bel. You suck!_

I think it was Levi who played the track. When the violin started playing, everyone stopped moving.

"Ballet?!" Xanxus yelled at last, after about 30 seconds.

"Yep. She's really good too. Really smooth and swift." Bel said, "I wonder what she's like in other types of dancing."

"Get your head out of the gutter Bel." Xanxus hissed, "Not with my sister."

"Ushishishi."

Someone softly knocked on the door, "Violetta? Can I come in?"

The door opened slightly and I fell to the floor. I looked up at Xanxus who was looking down at me. It had to look weird. I was wearing a tight pair of shorts and a shirt that... showed my curves and I had black Pointe shoes on. I screamed out of embarrassment, "Get out of my room!"

I started smacking his legs, franticly trying to get his eyes off me. I pushed him away roughly and slammed the door closed again, locking it this time.

"Bel! I hate you!" I yelled.

"Ushishishi." Bel snickered, "I love you too Princess."

"Since when did you do ballet?" Xanxus asked from the other side of the door.

"Since forever! But it doesn't matter anymore!" I yelled, my face still red from panic.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" Xanxus asked.

"I... I'm never going to dance again!" I yelled, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. I rapidly started undoing my shoes as tears sprouted out of the corners of my eyes.

I heard a plate fall to the floor and someone stomping towards the door. A rustling at the door and a small click was heard before my door swung open and Bel came in angrily.

"Don't you even think about it!" Bel yelled,

"It's not your choice Bel!" I say, throwing both my slippers at the wall. I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to look at him.

"Shut up!" Bell yelled at me as moved from the back of me to the front. He bent down and grabbed my hands away from my face.. "Look at me."

"No..." I whimper. My eyes are tightly shut but the tears keep flowing.

"Look at me!" Bel says sternly.

I slowly lift my head and open my eyes to look at him. I can see his left eye from behind his bangs. They look serious. More serious than I've ever seen them before.

"Don't you ever do that! To many things have been taken away from you and now you're just going to give something up that makes you feel amazing up? Why?"

"You know why?" I argue back.

"Well, that's a stupid reason!" Bel's eyes turn slightly angry, "You love to dance, even if I've only see you twice, I can tell. You are not going to give this up!"

"Says who?"

"Says me!" Yeah, he's angry, "You've had everything taken from you! You have two things to live for; Xanxus and dancing. You're not going to give either one of those up. I wont let you; Xanxus wont let you. God, You idiot! Why would you do something so freaking stupid?"

I look away from him, my eyes moving to the floor, "Because a river needs rain to keep flowing."

"I'll be your rain! We all will!" Suddenly, his mood softens, "You just have to let us."

_You can always see... right through me._

***

_The sun was in my eyes. It was bright and blinding. I couldn't look away though. I just kept staring at it. Until it moved, to my left, and I followed it. I started chasing after the bright ball of light, wherever it went. Over a creek, past a forest; it suddenly ran into a blank area. It suddenly went down. I followed, accidently running off a cliff. The ball of light was calling out to me._

"Violetta." The light called, "Violetta!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"Princess..." The light turning into a figure; it was Bel. "Princess. Dance for me."

"Dance..." Was all I could say before I fell into a river at the bottom of the canyon.

As the water surrounded me, I gasped, trying to reach out to Bel, but he was gone.

***

I screamed, loudly.

"Violetta?"

I was panting uncontrollably, as I looked over to the door where Xanxus stood.

"Violetta, it's okay. It was just a dream." Xanxus said, coming over and sitting on my bed.

I was still panting as he wrapped his arms around me. I reached out and clung to him. He pulled me into his lap, petting my head softly.

"You'll be alright." He said, "It was just a dream."

"Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?" I say, looking up to Xanxus. "Why am I here?"

"Because this is where you belong." Xanxus pulls me closer and hugs me tightly, "Here in my arms."

I let out a breath and lean my head on his shoulder, "Thank you for caring."

"No, thank _you_ for being here to care for. Thank you for being."

In his arms a fell asleep.

***

"Ushishishi. Alright, everyone's out." Bel said, sitting on a chair that I had moved to the side for my stage.

"Geez, Bel! Why do you always want me to dance for you?" I asked, pulling the ribbon on my Pointe shoe tight.

"I already told you; because it's beautiful, Princess. I love it when you dance for me. Ushishishi!" Bel grinned at me.

"You know, I think your laugh is getting to familiar to me." I grumbled, then set the CD player on track 3.

"Good. You've been here for... however long it's been and I'm just about the best friend you'll ever have, so if you haven't gotten used to my thinking, I think I'd rip you apart." Bel said, leaning his arm on the armchair and leaning his head on his palm. "What song will you be dancing to today, Princess?"

"Violin Concerto no. 5 in A major "Turkish"." I say, as I press play on the CD player and getting into third position with my feet and fourth position with my arms.

"Ushishishi. Interesting." Bel said, as I started to move, arching my arms and spinning.

I forgot Bel was watching me, just as I always did and let the music take control. I stray from my routine, flowing with the music. Soft and delicate, with only a few violins, then they grow and play different parts. Then it goes back to a few, with all the different parts, I play the main; a delicate, gentle soul with an urge for creating chaos, and getting into trouble. As the music gets slightly louder, I stray, running from the law and laughing as I back down street alleys. But suddenly, they grab my tale and bring me down. It's a chase. They're after me. I'm going to be trapped. I'm dodging all of the things in my way, and when I think I've lost them, they're right behind me. But I see some friends, and they come to rescue me. I'm almost save, until the police knock down the door and I'm running again. Suddenly I don't know where I am. I'm just running, running and when I finally lose them. I'm so lost and confused, I wander around the streets. Somehow finding my way back home, I'm back to causing chaos. Almost caught again, but they miss me and I continue to prank people happily.

The version on my CD cuts the song about a minute short. I'm stuck to my life of playing happily, like the violin, causing chaos around me.

As I open my eyes, Bel wraps his arms around my waist. I blushed, "What the hell, Bel?"

"Ushishishi. Dance with me." He said, taking my left hand into his right.

"You idiot." I said, blushing as the CD player went to track 4; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Violin Concerto in D.

Bel started swaying, moving his feet back and forth. He led me softly, giving me gentle reminders of my position. After about a minute, I realised we were doing a waltz.

"I didn't know you knew ballroom dancing." I said, glaring up at him.

"Ushishishi. I'm a prince, of course I know how to do a waltz." Bel said, smiling down at me.

"Hmpf." I said, moving closer and leaning my head on his shoulder.

He brought me closer to him, still moving in the steps of a waltz.

"Princess?" Bel said, after a minute or two of us dancing so close.

"Yea...?" I said quietly, not wanting to disturb the magic of our dance.

"I think... This is our song." Bel said, his head leaning atop mine.

I smiled, "Yea... It is."

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	3. Chapter 3

_Hockey stops and slamming people into plexy glass was never my thing. Those jagged movements and the sound of sticks against a puck made me sick. I hated it when hockey players smiled; all their teeth were missing. I hated it when people said that I should join a hockey team, which they often did._

So instead, I turned to figure skating. Since I already took ballet, I was flexible and strong, and that was good. People thought I was really good, but I didn't care. They all thought it was because I was also a ballet dancer, but it wasn't. Because the ice is a different world. You can spin and jump, you gain speed and diligence before performing stunts you never could with normal slippers.

Ballet and Figure skating, have never, and will never be the same thing. Let no one tell you otherwise.

***

It wasn't snowing, even if it was cold to me. It was only seven degrees but I didn't care. I held tightly onto my white torn skates. The exhausted laces burned my hands as I ran to the nearby skating rink. It would be closed by now, since it was 11:54 pm. But hey, it was noon somewhere. I had stumbled upon it when I was out with Lussuria one day. He said it was open year-round and it was open from 10am to 9 pm.

And so, on this cool night, I decided to go out and try it. I noticed there was a back door and it was often unlocked. If not, I'm an excellent lock-picker.

As I stepped up the stairs that led to the back door, I was eager. I turned the door knob, hoping it would be unlocked. No such luck. I pulled a hair pin I had put on my skates off and stuck it into the door. After fiddling with it for about five minutes, the door clicked open and I grinned.

As I walked slowly into the darkened room, I slid my hand along the wall and I turned on the lights. Turns out I was in the boiler room. But I found the rink. It was big and flawless. I'm guessing the zamboni had just cleaned the ice. I grinned as I ran and sat down on a bench. I tied up my skates quickly, pulling them tightly. As I stepped out onto the ice, I almost fell. It was easy to get used to the ice again, but I needed music to dance to.

I skated over to a music player that was reachable from the ice. I turned it on, and out of instinct turned the CD to 5 and played the song. It started playing guitar lightly, then a soft English voice played and I started dancing to the music.

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor _

_I dare you to move _

_I dare you to move _

_Like today never happened _

_Today never happened before_

I liked the song somehow, even if I didn't understand the English or it wasn't in my normal genre of music. But as I danced around the ice, I remembered this was a different world, anything is possible. Somehow, in that dance I did, I managed to do a double axel, a triple loop, and a waltz jump. After the song had ended, I was smiling. But panting, a lot. Since when did figure skating take this much out of me?

I skated around for the next few songs, then decided to head back. As I undid my laces and turned off the music, some started yelling at me.

"Hey! What are you doing in here? Do you know what time it is?" The man yelled.

I was shocked, _Oh damnit. How am I gonna get out of this one? I don't have enough energy to run._

"Um... Please don't tell anyone about this!" I said, panicking, "I just wanted to skate since I haven't in a really long. I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I... I just wanted to skate."

The man looked down at me, "You're new here, aren't you? I haven't seen you around before."

"I... I've only lived here for about two months, so I've never been here." I said, still nervous about what he was going to do.

"Well, you're cute. I'll let you go this time. But next time, you might want to come when we're open. Nice moves by the way." The man smiled at me.

My eyes lit up and I smiled, "Thank you so much! I really appreciate this!"

The man grinned, "Now get outta here!"

I ran happily out the door and towards the house. But I ran out of breath. My heart was beating overtime; how did I not realise it before? My face felt hot, and I my legs went weak. My chest was tight and I could breathe.

_Am I... going to die....?_

***

"So she just passed out? Right there on the street?"

"Yeah! I couldn't figure out what happened! She's skating amazingly one minute and the next she's laying there and her hearts beating a million times a minute. It was the weirdest thing."

I took in a deep breath, but felt like the air was different. I opened my eyes to see a speckled ceiling. I looked down at my mouth, which had some plastic thing over it. I coughed; I didn't like it. The two people in the room turned to look at me as I thrashed around.

"Hey! Calm down here!" Said someone, taking the plastic thing off and holding my arms down, "You're alright. You're in the hospital."

I gasped, looking wide-eyed at the doctor, "Where's Brother?"

"Calm down." The doctor said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Don't skip to the extras. Now, what's your name?"

"V... Violetta." I said, sitting up. A tube was sticking out of my left arm. I glared down at it. "Why am I in a hospital?"

"That's what we need to figure out. Now, do you have any pervious health problems? I noticed there's a scar on your back. Where did you get that?" The doctor asked.

"The scar is a birthmark." I answered; I didn't like this. Where was Xanxus?

"Hm... Odd birthmark."

"My brother has a few just like it on his face." I said, "If you let me get him, I can show you."

"Hold on here, Violetta. We can call him after a few questions, alright?"

"Listen girlie! I have to go; my wife is most likely worried." It was the guy from last night!

"Um... Thank you very much! I'm sorry to be such a burden on you!" I said, clutching my arms to my chest.

He looked back at me, "You... aren't a burden."

As the man left, I looked down, "Yea... of course."

"Alright, after these questions, you can call your brother. Okay?" The doctor placed a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, and he began, "So, what did you feel before you passed out?"

Last night! That's it! I passed out on the street!

"Um.... weak, like my legs just gave out. It was like all the breath was taken out of my lungs. My heart was beating really fast too. I felt hot and weak. And I hit the pavement. That's all I remember." I said slowly.

"Alright." The doctor scribbled down something on a clipboard. "Now, have you ever had your period?"

"Um.... can't I have a female doctor ask me those kinds of questions?" I said, nervous by the question and the fact that he was a male doctor.

"Listen, it's all the same. You're going to end up with a male doctor on your case anyways. The sooner these questions are answered, the sooner you can get your brother." The doctor cocked an eyebrow and looked down at me.

"Yes I've had my freaking period before..." I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Do you have it right now?"

"No."

"Are you pregnant?"

"Hell no! I'm fifteen!"

"I have to ask."

"Just.... whatever." I said, angry that he had to ask such questions.

He asked me a few more questions and I gave him the Varia bases number. As he went out of the room, I lay back down on the bed.

_I bet he's going to be mad at me. I shouldn't have been out so late and now I'm in the hospital! He's going to think I got beaten or something. Damn it! How did this happen? What's even wrong with me? I'm hooked up to machines and I'm alone and sad and.... gosh... Mom... what's happening to me?_

A few minutes into my mental rant, a nurse came in, looking panicked.

"Sweetheart! Calm down! You're heart is pounding much to fast!" The nurse said, rushing over to my bed and brushing a lock of hair out of my face. "Please calm down!"

I snapped out of my day dreaming, I looked at her. Her face held fake sympathy. I looked back at the ceiling, "What happens if he's going to be mad at be for not being in bed at that time?"

The nurse sat on the edge of the bed, "Who?"

"My older brother." I answered blandly.

"Well..." The nurse said, petting my head, "He should be glad someone got to you in time. From what they say, it sounds like you almost had a heart attack!"

"None of this would've happened if I had just stayed in bed and not gone to that stupid rink... I wanted to go skating today too..." I frowned at the ceiling.

"Do you like to skate?" The nurse asked, still petting my head. Her thumb moved across my forehead, massaging it.

"Yes. It feels like your flying." I said, "The ice is another world, where you and almost defy gravity."

"Sounds magical." The nurse said.

"It is.... It really is. I just wish... I was there now..." I closed my eyes, tears creeping out of the corners of my eyelids, "Lady?"

"Yes...?"

"What's wrong with me?" I asked, opening my eyes to look at her, "Why am I here?"

Something began ringing and the nurse stood up and left.

Tears spilled out of my eyes, as the vision of the ceiling became blurry, "I guess this river, needs a vale of tears to keep flowing."

As my tears fell down, like fragile pearls from the bottom of my heart, I thought of Mom. How she would always hold me when I was sad. She told me time and time again, 'You're important to me Violetta. Let no one tell you otherwise.' I believed it for the time being, but now....

"If I'm so damn important to you, why did you leave me? Why do I have to grieve by staying here? I want you Mommy! I miss you!" I cried aloud.

The door slammed open. I sat up and looked to the door. Xanxus stood there, panting with a red face. When he saw me, his expression turned from slight anger to sadness and relief.

"Violetta!" Xanxus said, coming over and hugging me tightly, "Oh my god, Violetta! You scared me so f*cking much! I... I didn't know where you were and I was so worried!"

"I don't like it here Xanxus... It's weird and people keep telling me to calm down even when I am calm." I said, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him back.

"I know you don't Violetta. But something happened and we have to figure out what caused it." Xanxus said, "Why were you even outside? You should have been asleep!"

"I wanted to skate. At the rink... Alone." I said.

"Cazzo! When Bel came into my room saying you weren't in your room, I panicked. Don't make me panic! My scars get all messed up looking!" Xanxus said.

"You're scars aren't messed up... You're scars are.... Handsome." I leaned my head on his shoulder as he sat down on the bed.

"Handsome?" He looked puzzled, "The scars make me look handsome?"

"Yea.... it's a unique kind of handsome... But handsome, none the less." I said.

Xanxus laughed a little as Squalo appeared at the door. He looked angry.

"Vooiii! You stupid boss! Don't just jump out of the car while it's still running!" Squalo said loudly.

"I hope I'm not totally deaf when I'm older." I said, "You're in the hospital Squalo, at least have some respect."

"Vooiii! You'd be just as angry if you almost died because Mr. Idiot here jumped out of the car while it was still moving and while he's driving!" Squalo yelled, "I almost died!"

"Didn't I tell you not to drive, Xanxus? Let Levi do it... You suck at driving. I don't even know how you got your licence." I said, looking up at Xanxus, who was smirking.

"Levi ran to slow." Xanxus said.

"Ushishishi. That's not true Xanxus. You just ran to fast." Bel said appearing at the door.

"Why were you in my room?" I asked, since Xanxus said Bel had told him I was gone.

"I was going to watch the stars and I thought you would've liked to come." Bel frowned, "Where were you anyways?"

"At the ice rink. I wanted to skate." I said, puffing my cheek out.

"You could've skated in the daytime!" Xanxus complained.

"But then there's too many people." I said, frowning.

"So? Be glad you can even skate! You should see me on ice! I keep falling over!" Xanxus said, holding me tightly.

"Yea, but last time I did that, I almost hit five people." I said, glaring at the wall, "It's like dancing, I forget anyone's watching. Bu this time I can fly."

"Fly...?" Bel frowned, and even if I couldn't see behind his bangs, his left eyebrow was raised. He always raised his left eyebrow when he was confused.

"Yeah! It's not like ballet, where you can't slide or do anything like that. In skating, you can fly across the ice gracefully. And Bel, you know that when I dance, I move my arms a lot. Same thing with skating." I said, taking my arms from around Xanxus and stretching them out, "I'll end up smacking someone in the face."

"Ushishishi. I can see that happening." Bel grinned, "You clumsy girl."

I pouted, "Shut up."

"Vooiii! Can I go home?" Squalo complained, sitting beside me and Xanxus on the bed.

"No... You'd have to take the car, and then Bel and I wouldn't be able to get home." Xanxus said.

Squalo cussed under his breath, but didn't say anything.

"Alright, so..." The doctor from before came walking in, looking at his clipboard, "Who's the guardian here...?"

"I am..." Xanxus said, looking up at the doctor.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Latino." The doctor held out his hand.

Xanxus took it and they shook, "Xanxus. Xanxus Rubino."

"Nice to meet you sir. Now, how are you related to Violetta?" Dr. Latino asked.

"Older brother." Xanxus said.

"Are there any parents that should be notified?" Dr. Latino asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No. Violetta has no parents." Xanxus said a ting of sadness in his voice.

"How come you didn't tell me you're name the first time when you asked me a bunch of weird questions?" I said, glaring up at the doctor.

"You never asked..." Dr. Latino said.

"Ushishishi. Wow... Princess! You're so out of it." Bel snickered.

"Shut up..." I hissed, glaring at Bel.

"I don't have to. I'm a prince." Bel grinned.

"Anyways, we think we should run a few tests to make sure. We need the guardian's signature." Dr. Latino said, handing a few papers to Xanxus.

"What kind of tests...?" Xanxus asked, looking at the papers, then back at Dr. Latino.

"All it is, is few blood tests and a scan that will look inside her; seeing if she has any internal problems." Dr. Latino said, handing Xanxus a pen.

I moved off him and crawled over to sit on Bel. His arms wrapped around my waist and I leaned back on his chest. He leaned his head atop mine and I closed my eyes.

"Oi! Latino! When will I get out of here?" I asked, moving a little bit closer to Bel.

"Depends on the test results; the shortest possible time you'll have to stay in here for is only about 5 more hours." Dr. Latino said as Xanxus signed the papers. He raised an eyebrow, "Is he your boyfriend or something?"

I choked, opening my eyes and blushing, "What? B-Bel's not my boyfriend!"

"What the hell makes you think that?" Bel said, sounding baffled.

Dr. Latino smirked, "Nothing, it's jus that you two look really comfortable with each other. Like you could be going out."

I glared at the doctor, a blush still streaking my face, as Squalo laughed at us, "Don't jump to conclusions you stupid doctor."

Dr. Latino smirked, "My apologises."

They took my blood a few times. It didn't hurt too much. But Squalo got bored, and Xanxus ordered Bel to keep my company overnight, which gave Dr. Latino more suspicions that we're in a relationship, which we totally aren't. Right...? They sent me to a big circle thing that scanned my body. I didn't like it. It made weird beeping noises. Bel kept with me the whole time, never leaving my side. I was thankful; I really needed someone there with me since I hate hospitals. Last time I was in the hospital, they told me my mother was dead.

***

I opened my eyes a slit, looking at the wall my bed was pushed up against. I had spent the night in the hospital because they needed to wait for the results of the circle scan thing. I rolled over, trying to go back to sleep when I heard Bel's voice.

"...and you want me to tell her?" Bel asked.

"You seem close enough. She'd bite me if I told her." That was Dr. Latino. _Why are they talking about me?_

"But this will kill her! She loves to skate! Well, I've never seen her skate, but from what she was saying yesterday, she loves it. Please Doctor, Is there some sort of mistake...?"

"There's no mistake, Belphegor..." Dr. Latino was serious, "You have to tell her, she can never skate again."

_She can never skate again...._

She can never skate again... 


	4. Chapter 4

_My mother always told me that I was going to become a star when I died, just like her. When she died, I kept looking up at the stars, trying to figure out which star she was. I could never figure it out, but whenever I looked up at the stars, I saw so many people. I thought they all just be looking down on their someone special. I looked up, thinking if everyone could see a sky like this, no one would turn on their lights at night. And during meteor showers, everyone in the world would go outside and look up at the sky, wishing on shooting starts and watch them in awe. But in a second, they're gone, leaving only their trails of light that are gone soon too._

But that will never happen. People don't respect or notice the beauty of nature anymore. They work for money, even into the deep hours of the night. Nothing more will please them, not even the stars; the works of the gods. I find that horrible, because the stars are so beautiful. If you become a star when you die, so you can look down at the people you love, how hurt would you feel if they people who you loved never looked back at you. Not even once?

I know I would hate it... more than anything. Because being invisible...

is my biggest fear.

***

I sat alone in my room, the lights on, just looking at my hands.

_You can never skate again. _

I hate that doctor... Why did he have to take away one of the few things I have left when so many things have been taken away already? He was so blunt.

_You can never skate again._

I hate him. I never want to see his face again.

"Violetta." Xanxus knocked on my door, "Can I come in?"

"If you dare." I said.

As he opened the door, his eyes widened.

There were papers and clothes everywhere, scattered across the floor. My desk was knocked over and my closet was tipped to the right so it leaned against the north wall. The curtain rod above my window hung crooked, the curtains were both slightly torn. A few of my CD's were thrown askew and cases were opened. None were damaged though. I couldn't possibly wreck my CD's, not after what's happened....

"What did you do to your room?" Xanxus almost yelled, "It looks like a tornado came through here!"

"A hurricane. Not a tornado." I said, still looking at my hands. My back felt cold against the east wall that my bed was up against.

Xanxus sat down beside me as my hands turned into fists. "You aren't taking this to well then, are you?"

I shook my head then slammed my fists down on the bed, making a thudding sound.

Squalo, Bel, Lussuria, Levi and Marmon were all out right now. It was only my first day back at the base, and I needed to get used to being back at home. Xanxus sent them all out since he knew I would be yelling; a Squalo kind of yelling. I was upset and angry at the world because of this. This stupid body... Why did I end up in this body?

I had a hole in my heart. It's called a congenital heart defect, and it's larger than normal. The kind I have is called a Ventricular Septal defect, which pretty much allows the good blood in my heart to go back and be reprocessed. There's a long definition I read up on about it being a hole in the septum, which is like a wall from one side of the heart to the other. I got all that, but why me?

They have to do surgery to close the hole, or it'll be fatal. Apparently, I've had it since I was a baby, but no one noticed until now. When I fell on the street, I was having a stroke. Lucky that guy found me too, or I could've died.

"Don't worry, Violetta. After this surgery, you'll be able to skate again." Xanxus said, touching my cheek softly, "And I'm waiting to see you dance for me. So far, you've only danced in front of Bel and alone. I want to see my little sister dance."

I shook my head, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I lay my head atop my knees and held back tears, "Xanxus...?"

"Yes...?" His voice was sympathetic.

"I'm scared..." I whispered, unable to get my words into a normal voice. My tears coming down my cheeks, I whispered again, "I'm so, so scared...."

Xanxus wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. I roughly wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I wound my legs around his waist as he held me close, petting my head. I found that often happened when I needed him. It's like he just knew I needed someone to hug, and he'd be right there, arms open. No wonder he's my big brother.

"You don't have to be scared, Violetta. The doctor says he's done this surgery a thousand times already." Xanxus said quietly.

"You're not the one they're going to cut open! Xanxus, what if I die?! What if my Arrhythmias kicks in and they accidentally cut something else?" I said, panicking horribly. I was trembling through the tears.

"They're prepared for that, Violetta. Trust me; I got the best doctors they could offer to do this surgery. You don't have to worry. You'll just fall asleep and wake up in a few hours."

"What if I see a white light?" I sobbed, "What if I die?"

"Then you'll turn into a star... you know that." Xanxus said, "But you won't die. I won't let you die."

"I haven't even had sex yet."

"Hey! Calm down. Don't just go around saying you're going to die because of a surgery..... And who said you're going to have sex any time soon?" Xanxus said, looking down at me sternly.

I had to laugh at little, "Stop pretending to be a Dad."

"I can't help it. You're so childish sometimes, I have to." Xanxus said, "Besides, you're still just a little girl, you can't go around deciding things for yourself."

"I'm not little." I pouted, "I'm fifteen. And I'm going to be sixteen in a month."

"Does everyone have sex at sixteen?" Xanxus asked.

"No...." I said, looking away, out my window with crooked curtains, "I wouldn't be surprised if you're still a virgin..."

"Hey! I'm 25!"

"So...? Are you a virgin?"

"No... I'm not a virgin...."

"Did you lose it to Squalo?" I smirked. I knew he hated it when people thought him and Squalo were lovers.

"No! Shut up Violetta!" Xanxus said angrily. I smirked, satisfied with his answer and I pulled away from him.

"Now.... I need to clean this up..." I said, getting off the bed as I started picking up clothes and putting them back on clothes hangers.

"Do you want help?" Xanxus asked nicely enough.

"No... I don't want your hands touching my stuff." I hissed, tilting my closet back so it was standing up straight.

"Why? Am I that dirty to you?" Xanxus asked, glaring at me.

"No... But my underwear and bra's are not for men to be touching."

With that, Xanxus walked out of the room, closing the door and walked away. I smirked, _And he says he's not a virgin... _

***

I was panting hard; I was scared. It was only a few minutes before they knocked me out. Xanxus, Lussuria, Bel, Levi Squalo and Marmon were all at the hospital with me. Lussuria was going on about some random thing I didn't want to listen to.

Levi reached out and touched my shoulder, "You still scared Violetta?"

I looked up at him; at first, I was a little scared of Leviathan, but really, he's like a teddy bear with piercings and swords. We went out for ice cream one time, and I remember people thought he was a pedophile, which I found a little funny. He happens to be really good at ignoring people when he wants to. He's also a little needy at times; like a little kid who got his toy taken away.

I nodded, "A little. But it'll be alright after."

"Oh Vio! You're so cute! Don't worry! I'll make you a dress for this!" Lussuria said, grinning, holding his pinkie to his lips.

"Um... No thanks... I don't like dresses." I grumbled and Bel snickered.

"How about a figure skating outfit then?" Lussuria said, "You don't have one, do you?"

I shook my head, "I don't have one. I don't need one."

"Do you want one?" Lussuria asked happily.

"No." I stated bluntly.

"Alright! I'll make it all pretty and pink!" Lussuria turned away from us and started mumbling to himself about what fabrics he would use.

Squalo laughed loudly, "Violetta in pink? Wuahahahahahaha!!! What a joke!"

"I hate pink..." I hissed.

"I'll make it yellow then!" Lussuria said, hearing my comment over Squalo's laugh.

"That's even worse!" I said but this time he didn't listen.

"It's no use. Once he has an idea, he's going to stick to it." Marmon said, as he sat on Bel's lap.

"Damn it...Have I ever told you that you know way too much about things?" I said, looking down at Marmon.

"All the time." He said, glancing at me.

"Well, I don't like it." I said as a doctor entered the room.

It was Dr. Egidi. He had told me all about my condition and what was going to happen during the surgery. I liked him much more than Dr. Latino. Dr. Latino was evil.

"Well Violetta. We're ready for you." The doctor said, smiling. I slowly stood up but almost fell back down from Lussuria's forceful hug.

"Oh! I'm so excited to start! Don't worry! When you wake up, you'll have a beautiful figure skating outfit." Lussuria said, letting go of me.

"Do you even know how to make a figure skating outfit?" I asked wearily.

Levi hugged me from behind, "Of course he doesn't, but that won't stop him from trying."

"That's true." I said, hugging him backwards. When he let go, I turned around and smiled up at him.

"Oh! I'm so nervous now!" Xanxus said, putting his hand on my shoulder. He kissed my forehead and smiled, "You'll be alright."

I smiled back up at him, "Yea I know."

"It's good you have a lot of people supporting you." Dr. Egidi said, smiling, "It helps with the nerves."

I nodded at him, looking back at the group of boys, most of them ganging up on Lussuria. Except one. Bel was looking at me. I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Let's go Violetta." Dr. Egidi said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

Bel stuck his tongue out at me. I giggled a little and followed Dr. Egidi out of the room. I stuck my hand in the pocket of the hospital pants they gave me. I felt a small slip of paper and my beat began to beat a bit slower.

On that paper was a small poem Bel wrote for me. It was something short and sweet, but it seemed so powerful on paper. It read:

_At midnight, if you have eyes to see  
The stars shine, brightly, brightly._

And if you look past the stars, into my eyes  
You'll see me light up, like a thousand fireflies

I won't let this moment pass, because, for you  
There's nothing I wont or can't do

Don't be nervous, I'll give you a few lucky charms  
As long as you stay close, wrapped in my arms

As the drugs started working on me, beginning to fall asleep I thought of his stupid little snicker and he's wide grin. I loved his laugh. I loved his grin. I wish he was here with me; I'm so scared I might not see that smile or hear that laugh again. Please... let the surgery work..... don't let me..... die....

***_  
_I heard machines; a beeping at the same time as my heartbeat, a whoosh of something that was pumping air into my lungs, and a tapping of a shoe.

I opened my eyes. Another plastic thing was covering my mouth, helping me breath. I was about to pull it off when I remembered what Dr. Egidi said. He said that the plastic thing is connected to a tube, and the tube is down my throat, helping me breathe. I hated the tube, saying I didn't want it. But Dr. Egidi said it was to help make sure I didn't die; I really didn't want to die, so I agreed. He also told me if I rip it out, there's going to be a lot of blood and it could hurt me, a lot. I might not be able to swallow for a while if I do.... yuck....

A shadow came over my face. I looked up to Dr. Latino. I glared up at him. I hated him.

"Do you want that tube out of your throat?" Dr. Latino asked in a serious voice.

I nodded angrily. _No shit..._

He removed the plastic thing and held onto the tube. "Cough."

Dr. Egidi told me about this. The tube had to go down my throat to get to my lungs, and when I take it out I have to cough really hard.

And I did. I started coughing hard- choking really as Dr. Latino pulled the tube out.

"Don't puke now." Dr. Latino said, as the end of the tube left my mouth. I looked at the tube, disgusted that the whole thing had once been inside me.

"Now, look at your hands..." Dr. Latino said coolly.

I looked down at my hands. My eyes widened, "Yellow?!"

I started looking around at my body; every inch of me was slightly yellow, "Why am I yellow?"

"Betadine is what that is. It's used for a patient's skin before a surgery. Don't worry; it'll come off after a shower." Dr. Latino said, taking out his stethoscope and putting the buds in his ears. "May I?"

I nodded, lying back down on the bed. He stuck his hand under my shirt as the cold metal touched my skin and made me flinch a little. After all the stethoscopes that have been put on my chest, I'm still not used to the cold chill it sends you.

He took his hand away and hung the stethoscope around his neck, "You seem to be working just right."

"Can I skate again then?" Tried to asked gently, but it came out as a pleading.

He glanced down at me, "You'll have to be careful with the physical activity, but yes, you can."

"You evil doctor!" I yelled, releasing the pressure I had, "Why did you tell me I would never skate again! I hate you!"

His eyes were unkind, "That's not my problem."

"Why are you a doctor if you can't even feel anything for the patients? What kind of doctor are you?" I yelled.

He turned and started walking away, "An evil one."

I turned and lay down on my bed, facing the wall, "Damn doctor."

"Princess?"

I flipped back around and sat up, throwing my arms around Bel as soon as he was close enough. He crawled onto the bed and hugged me back, wrapping his arms around me and leaning his back against the wall. I nuzzled my nose against his neck and held him tighter.

"Nice to see your okay Princess." Bel grinned.

"Nice to see you in general, Bel." I said, leaning against him, "That evil doctor was being mean..."

"Ushishishi. Do you want me to rip him apart?" Bel asked, still grinning.

"Nah. I don't want you to go to jail or anything." I said, as his arms became tighter around me, "I'd miss you to much."

"Ushishishi. That's 'cause I'm a prince."

"Yea... of course it is..."

***

_Double axel at the second verse, triple loop on the chorus, fly, Princess, fly. Across the ice, dashing, moving, quickly, swiftly. Keep going, keep captivating- the audience, the judges, the critics, imagination and the dance. You are not using a routine, you are your own movement; make your art in your image. Turn into a moving sculpture, dance around the ice with smooth movements and stunning physique. Make them not want to take their eyes off you. You are in the spot light... No... You are the spot light._

At least until the music stops.  
  
Wild clapping came from the crowd. As I opened my eyes, people threw flowers onto the ice, complimenting me, shouting my name. A standing ovation was before me as I raised my hand and waved happily. I could hear Lussuria's familiar squeal and Squalo's 'Voi!' calling out to me. I turned around to see Xanxus, Lussuria, and Squalo, Levi and Bel there, all clapping and smiling.

I skated over to them and Xanxus picked me up and swung me in a circle.

"That was amazing, Violetta! You were stunning!" Xanxus said, proudly, "You totally captured the audience!"

Lussuria squealed, "Oh and the outfit totally suits you! I make it perfectly!"

"Vooiii! It's not about the stupid outfit! It's about her performance, you idiot!" Squalo argued.

"Good work." Levi said, patting my head and smiling.

I smiled back as Xanxus and Squalo started lecturing Lussuria –quite loudly, may I add.

I turned to look at Bel, who had a goofy smile on his face. I hugged him as a few people from the rink picked up the multiple flowers that had been thrown my way.

"Beautiful." Bel said, smiling at me.

"Yea, I loved that routine." I said, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. God, I love his eyes.

With a dreamy look in his eyes he whispered, "Not to routine... I meant you, Princess."


	5. Chapter 5

_It didn't take much for me to fall. I had always been the kind of person to wear my heart on my sleeve. I had liked plenty of boys, but I was shy, as I've said before, so I never confessed to any of them. As always, they would tease me and pick on me and I would realise it wasn't love... just another crush._

But one... One guy... Why can't I break it? He got me to fall with one look. It's just that I can't stop thinking about him. Whenever he's not in my site, I wonder what he's doing, where he is. I dare not tell anyone, it might just be another passing crush that's lasting longer than normal. And besides, even if I do like him more than a crush, he hasn't shown any signs that he likes me back. He's just mean to me. Calling me names, teasing me... He acts like a little kid. He acts like it's a kindergarten crush, toying with my heart.

It's not like it matters. None of my crushes have ever liked me back

***  
December 20th

It was cold, or at least to me it was. I was wearing 2 sweaters, a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants and I was still cold. Bel was laughing at me for my inability to keep warm. I was glaring at him as he snickered that silly little laugh of his. I kept walking beside him though. In the unfamiliar streets of Bari, Italy, one can get hopelessly lost

"When are we going to go back to the hotel?" I huffed, not wanting to be outside in such weather.

"Soon, we're only a few blocks away." Bel glanced down at me, grinning, "Ushishishi. How can you be so cold? It's 4 degrees."

"Because I can't retain heat well; what's it to you?" I hissed.

He wrapped his arm over my shoulder as we walked. He had been doing that lately; touching me. Not inappropriately, an arm around my waist or shoulder was all. He had kissed my forehead about 5 times, but nothing more than that. It's almost as if he wanted people to think we're together. I've gotten used to it; his touch and the feeling of his hand in mine. I often dragged him down streets to go over and look at something in a shop window and clasped onto his hand.

"Ushishishi." Bel snickered, "Maybe you should've stayed inside then."

"That's not my fault!" I frowned up at him, "You're the one who dragged me out of the hotel!"

Bel grinned, "Of course I did. I'm allowed to do that. I'm a prince."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." I grumbled, spotting the hotel about two blocks away.

Bel brings me a little closer; his warmth was something I loved. Just like his smile and snicker. He was always up to no good, a little mischief maker, but I didn't care. I hung out with him anyways. There was no one else my age to be with.

As we came closer to the hotel Bel started talking again.

"You know, it's my birthday soon." He said.

"You have a birthday...?" I said, not thinking.

"No, I've lived forever." Bel said sarcastically, "Ushishishi."

"When is it?" I asked, noticing my mistake and rolling my eyes.

"In two days." Bel held up the arm that wasn't over my shoulder and made a 2 sign with his hands. "On the 22nd."

I smiled up at him, "What do you want?"

"Hmm... I never asked for anything." Bel said, bringing his arm back down to his side and looking straight again, "I just wanted to make sure you knew when it was."

I smirked. This was his way of telling me he wouldn't be ignored. "Well, now that you've told me, I'm going to get you something."

"No. You don't have to." Bel said, sounding almost angry.

"But I want to." I pouted. "Come on! Tell me what you want! I'll get it for you."

"I don't want you to get anything for me." Bel said as we crossed the street. He opened the hotel door for me as I stepped inside. It was so much warmer in there; why did he have to drag me outside?

"But please! It's not fair!" I pouted, taking off one of my sweaters as I walked towards the elevator.

"How is it not fair? It's my birthday." Bel said, pushing the up button next to the elevator.

"You tell me when it is and now you tell me not to get you anything! That's what's not fair." I frowned as the elevator door opened and a man in a suit and a woman in a skirt walked out. Bel and I entered and I pressed the tiny 18 button on the wall.

As the doors slid closed, Bel snickered. I looked up at him with furrowed brows. "What's so funny?"

"You're cute Princess." He grinned at me. "Very cute."

***  
December 21st

I was laying on Bel's bed, playing a game on the laptop Xanxus gave me for my birthday in October, when Bel walked out of the washroom. He had no clothes on; the only thing keeping me from seeing all of him was a white towel around his waist. He looked at me, frowning.

"When did you come in?" He asked.

We weren't that awkward, since I'd seen him in a towel before. Hell, I'd seen him naked. But that's only because Lussuria walked into Bel's room while he was changing and I saw him from the kitchen. I really didn't care, since he's my best friend, so... whatever.

"A while ago. You take long showers." I said, not taking my eyes off the computer screen. My legs were bent so me feet were towards the ceiling.

"Don't look." Bel said, turning to his closet and getting a pair of jeans and a shirt out.

"Mmmhhmmm." I said, not looking.

Apart, were most likely would've looked at the other's body, but with each other, we were horribly modest. That was a good thing because if Xanxus caught Bel staring at me or something, he would kill him.

"So, Princess," Bel said, laying beside me on the bed and wrapping his arms around my waist, "What brings you here?"

"Okay," I said, sitting up and closing the game. Bel sat up too, looking at the computer screen, "What do you think of this?"

Bel grinned, "Ushishishi. Looks amazing."

I smiled, "I thought you'd like It."

"What's it for?" Bel asked.

"You." I said, sitting in Bel's lap.

He frowned, "Me?"

"Yea! I thought you'd like it for your birthday!" I said, smiling at him.

He was still frowning, but then he grinned and started laughing, "You really want to get me a present, don't you?"

I smiled, nuzzling my nose in his neck, "Of course I do! You're special Bel! You're important to me."

***  
December 22nd

I watched them dance. It's true, they were all wasted, but it was fun watching them. Xanxus held a bottle high in the air as he moved from side to side and Squalo was dancing with him, just without the beer bottle. Bel, Levi and Lussuria were also drunk, and thankfully, we got back home today, so they didn't get drunk in a hotel room. That would've been horrible.

"Come on and dance with us, Violetta!" Squalo said loudly, almost falling over.

Levi walked in and turned the music up louder, then began dancing with them and Lussuria started squealing from down the hall. Where they got the alcohol from, I will never know. But at least they were having fun. For the moment.

Bel came in grinning and wearing the new tiara I bought him for his birthday.

"Birthday boy!" Xanxus said, dumping some of his drink on Bel's head.

Bel didn't seem to mind; he just kept grinning. The other four were pushing Bel slighting and giving him drinks. It was 1 am and I had already seen this scene about four times. Levi and Lussuria kept running away to do something and they would come back at turn the volume louder and dance and then leave again. They all looked like drunken idiots. That was most likely because they _were _drunken idiots.

"Ooiii!" Lussuria said, sitting down on top of me, "My head hurts!"

He was wearing a blue bra outside of his shirt and he reeked of alcohol. I was tempted to push him away and run, but I didn't. I pet his head gently, like so many people had done to me.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" I asked and he nodded. I sighed, "Alright, let's get you to bed. Stand up now. I'll come tuck you in."

As he got off me, Xanxus started yelling, "Zexion! Zexion! Where is my Zexion?"

"He's my Zexion!" Levi shrieked.

Xanxus giggled and hic-upped, "We'll do a threesome!"

Levi grinned, and also hic-upped, "Okay!"

As I brought Lussuria to bed, I wondered how the hell my brother knew about a game like Kingdom Hearts. I ended up getting everyone to bed by 2:30 am. Out of everyone, Bel had the least to drink and Lussuria's the most lightweight and Xanxus had the most alcohol.

I walked back into the living room after putting Squalo, who refused to let go of Lussuria's teddy bear, to bed. Bel was crouched by the CD player, changing the tracks. He turned to look at me and smiled sweetly. He stood up and walked over to me. I had a bad feeling he was going to grope me or something, but he held out his hand as music started playing.

It was our song; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Violin Concerto in D.

I laughed a little as I took his hand and he pulled me closer. His steps were a little clumsy and out of time, but it was still a waltz, no matter how you looked at it.

"Did you have a good birthday Bel?" I asked after a minute.

"Ushishishi. Yes." He said, grinning. "Thanks for the present."

I smiled, "No problem."

"Hey! It's Christmas soon! What do you want?" He asked, accidentally missing a step.

"Nothing really; I'm glad if I can spend Christmas with you guys." I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Princess?"

"Yes?"

"I..." He hic-upped, "I love you...."

***  
December 23rd

I cleaned the whole base during the night and took care of the hung-over boys during the day. They all slept until pretty much 2 pm. By then, everything in the base was back to normal, all neat and tidy. Xanxus got mad at me for staying up and cleaning up their mess, but he said he was so hung over he would've been able to do it. He said he'd get me something extra special for Christmas since I took care of everyone so well.

But I kept thinking about what Bel said. _I love you..._ He was drunk but I felt like he was telling the truth. After that, he passed out, but.... Still. I wish it was true.

December 24th

I sat on a bench outside the mall. I hated the mall; it was stuffy and crowded and smelled like gross perfume. Surprisingly, Xanxus let me stay out there alone while everyone else ran inside happily. Even Bel.

I told Bel about what he said to me when he was drunk. He ignored me. I wondered if he meant it or not; Bel never ignores me. He listens to every single word I tell him. But he ignored me. It almost hurt.

I looked at my cellphone: It was 8:47. I sighed as a mother and her child sat down on the bench.

"Are you alone?" Asked the woman as her child started playing with the necklace around her neck.

"Hmm?" I looked over to her, "Oh, No! I'm just waiting for some people!"

I hated waiting for them. I was cold and my nose was runny.

"Are they in the mall?" Asked the woman, patting her child's head.

"Oh, yea. They should be out in a while."

"It's getting dark though. Are you sure you don't want to go sit inside? I've seen you sitting out here for over 45 minutes!" The woman looked sympathetic.

"Violetta!" I heard Bel cry from the entrance of the mall, "Behind you!"

I ducked down quickly as the blade barely missed the top of my head. I stood up swiftly and swung my leg around, kicking the guy behind us in the face. The woman stood up and ran away with her child. I skipped backwards, moving away from the guy. I had broken his nose that's for sure.

"Come on." Bel hissed, "I don't care if you hate malls. You're coming inside. I'm not letting you get hurt out here."

"But Bel-"

He cut me off, "You're important to me Violetta. I'd hate to see you get hurt."

***  
December 25th

"Merry Christmas!" Lussuria said, setting a turkey on the table.

"Merry Christmas!" Everyone yelled back. Somehow everyone, even Squalo, had the Christmas cheer in them. I was glad. It wouldn't be the same if no one was happy.

We talked about anything and everything during dinner. We were smiling most of the time, except when Lussuria started saying that Squalo would look good in spandex. But as everyone was laughing about one thing or another, I noticed Bel kept glancing at me.

After we were all done eating, we lay around the house for a little bit, digesting our foot.

"I want to go outside." Lussuria said, as he shook one of the presents with his name on it.

"Why?" Levi asked, eating one of the chocolates from a box on the mantel.

"'Cause it's snowing, silly! On Christmas too! How lovely!" Lussuria said, smiling as he looked out the window.

"It's snowing on Christmas? That's weird.... It normally doesn't snow in December." I said, looking out the window as well. Soft snow was falling gently; in the dimly lit street, they looked as if they were glowing.

"Then let's go outside!" Lussuria said, standing up.

"You guys go ahead." Xanxus said, sitting in his chair with his hand on his stomach, "I'm staying here."

_  
_"Vooiii! I'm coming!" Squalo said. He was lying on the floor and his hair was pulled into a ponytail, just so it wouldn't go everywhere. He sat up and smiled, "I love the snow."

"To bad it doesn't snow too much here." Bel said, looking out the window, I had pinned part of his bangs to one side so his right eye was visible. He looked back at me and smiled, "Let's go."

I smiled; pushing off the wall I was leaning against and walking towards the front door. I pulled on Xanxus' big jacket, even if it was about 14 sizes to big, as Lussuria put on his robe thing. Out of nowhere, I ran outside into the lightly falling snow. I spun around slightly, dancing almost as the street lights came on.

"Vooiii! It's amazing!" Squalo said, coming outside.

"Oh! How beautiful!" Lussuria said, spinning around, "It looks like a winter wonderland."

"If light snow is your definition of 'winter wonderland', you need to go read a dictionary." I said as Bel came over to me, wearing his big coat.

Lussuria went on about how wonderful the snow was and Squalo started tapping on the window of the house that looking into the living room.

I looked at Bel, who was smirking at Squalo, who was grinning at Xanxus through the window. I took his hand and squeezed it lightly, "Isn't it cool to have snow on Christmas?"

He looked down at me and gripped my hand gently, "Yea, it is."

Xanxus burst through the front door with no jacket on, only a hoodie and started chasing after Squalo, who began running away franticly.

"Um...Bel? Violetta?" Lussuria looked over to us, his pinkie to his lips, "You do know you're standing under mistletoe, right?"

"Huh?" I said as I looked up. Above us hung a few small, green leaves and a red dot or two. We were standing under a streetlamp and as I looked down to the rest of the streetlights, I noticed they all had mistletoe hanging off them.

"Uh...." Was all Bel said as he looked up at the leafy thing.

"Kiss!" Lussuria said.

"What?" Bel and I said at once.

"Oh, will you two quit it?" Levi stood at the doorway; his hands on his hips as Xanxus went back inside, complaining that it was cold. "You two have liked each other since Violetta started living here."

"Vooiii!" Squalo yelled, glaring at us, "It was so fucking obvious!"

I looked up to Bel, who was blushing a crimson red. I took my hand from his and turned to him. He did the same and we looked each other in the eyes.

"Oh for hells sake! Kiss already!" Squalo yelled.

Bel's hand touched me cheek softly and he pulled me a little bit closer. I finally realised I was aching for him to kiss me. He slowly began to close my eyes as I did the same. I heard Xanxus yell something from inside, then stop midsentence, most likely watching us. First his touch, then warm breath and as his lips crashed into mine, I knew I was in love with him.

My arms wrapped around his neck and added pressure to our lips. His hand moved from my cheek to snake through my hair and his other arm wound around my waist, pulling me closer. The kiss deepened and Lussuria and Levi started yelling 'Finally! Finally!' with Squalo yelling at them to shut the hell up.

I'm pretty sure Xanxus' blood was boiling and he was going to punch Bel's lights out after I let go of him. But I didn't really care at the moment. With my lips pressed against Bel's for the first time in however long I've liked in for, I knew that whatever happened, everything would be okay.

The kiss seemed much to short lived, but I didn't care much. There was going to be many more.

"I love you Princess."

"I love you too, Bel."


	6. Chapter 6

_When something like death comes to someone you knew it's like a wave of shock. But when it's someone who you've known for a while, it's like a tsunami. Sometimes, it kills you. Sometimes, it throws you into shock. Sometimes, you'll cry for what seems like forever. Sometimes, you just try and forget all about it. Sometimes, you want to kill someone. Sometimes, you don't do anything._

When my ballet teacher died, I cried for a long time. It felt like forever. When my mother died, I was hurt and then wanted to get back at the person who murdered her. I knew she was murdered. She had been getting threatening phone calls and letters, telling her she would die. I got so scared from the letters that I accidentally burned her bill from a delivery service and they had to resend it.

But this happened out of nowhere.

***

"Marmon!" I screamed as I saw his tiny hand fall from a small knife. His head fell to the side as blood seeped from his wound.

"Poor girl..." Ginger said as he smirked at Marmon. "You must feel so helpless. Maybe you'll end up with the same fate as him."

My mouth was dry and I was pretty sure my right arm was broken. My eyes were wide and my brow was sweaty. I stared at Marmon as the last bit of life left him.

"Don't you just want to give up?" Ginger said, smiling at me.

I clenched my fists-er... fist... I couldn't move my right arm. "You don't get it, you evil bastard."

"Oh, such language." Ginger smirked.

I picked up a sword that had fallen on the ground and held it up.

"Are you going to end your pathetic life like Viper?" Ginger asked.

"No... I'm going to end yours." I said, throwing the knife into the right corner of the room. A small crackle came from the corner and a second Ginger appeared. The knife was logged in his left arm. He wasn't bleeding; he wasn't screaming.

He smiled, "You seem to have sensed my presence over here."

"You're a machine... and I can tell when a weird black dot in the corner disappears." I said, looking back at Marmon. I winced; I didn't want to believe he was dead yet. But I have to wreck this machine first. I looked at Colonello who was bleeding heavily. I felt the anger boil up inside me; I wasn't going to let this idiot get out alive.

"You asshole!" I yelled lunging at him. He moved quickly and I almost slammed into a wall. He took the sword from his arm and laid it on the ground. A snake wrapped around my neck, choking me, suffocating me.

"Don't shit with me." I said, kicking him in the face. Another wire must've broken because sparks came flying out. He fell to the ground and I climbed on top of him. I used my arm as a swing; hitting him with my fist on the way there and my elbow on the backswing. He kept trying to use his illusions on me, but I kept hitting him, knowing they weren't real. I kneed his neck and it shattered to pieces. The machine had to be dead, or I'd die: I knew that much. But after it didn't move for a while, I stood up.

I looked at Colonello and then Marmon. Tears came spilling out of my eyes as I bent down beside him. His pacifier had stopped glowing. I lifted his head of the ground as I touched his cheek. His skin was growing cold. My tears landed on him and I didn't know what to do.

"Violetta!" Bel screamed as he finally broke the door down. "Violetta! Are you..."

His sentence drifted off as he looked around the blood stained room. He looked at the decapitated Ginger. His hand came to rest on my shoulder. I let out a sob.

"I killed him for you, Marmon. I won for you. Don't... You can't be.... Marmon.... You're not dead yet! You're just asleep! Marmon can't die. You have to be alive!" I cried losing control as my head fell to the floor, landing right before his body. I started sobbing as Bel pulled me into his lap. His gentle touch made me cry harder. "Viper!"

Bel didn't say anything. He just stroked my hair with his now bloody hand. My head was feeling light and I couldn't stop crying. I felt something wet land on my cheek and Bel held me tighter. We sat there, sobbing over the loss and knowing we could've stopped it.... if only we moved a second faster. We could've stopped it. We could've.

***

I woke up to an uncomfortably familiar ceiling. I was either in a hospital, or in Lussuria's room. For the first time in my life, I wished I was in Lussuria's room. I tried moving my right arm. It hurt -a lot- but I could move it. Bel was sitting, asleep, in a chair beside the bed. Xanxus was on a couch, laying down with his head on Squalo's lap. Squalo was also asleep; his head laying back against the couch's cushion. I sat up slowly, looking around the room. Levi and Lussuria were sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall that had windows a little higher up.

Outside, it was fall. The leaves were turning orange and yellow and a few fell to the ground. Birds were singing happily and flying around in the wind. I remembered last fall, when Bel said he would take me to Japan sometime to meet the rest of the Vongola's bitches. He had and it was amazing. Well, Japan was. I thought the people were a bit weird though. The rain guardian was way too happy and the Storm guardian was violent and acted as if he had a crush on Tsunayoshi. I doubt they'll be happy with the deaths of Viper and Colonello though. Not Reborn at all. I knew him and Colonello were close.

I looked around the room, going from one face to the other. I wondered what I would do if I lost anyone of them. Xanxus, Squalo, Lussuria, Levi.... Bel.... I found myself crying again, my body shaking as I held my hands to my face, concealing my sadness, no matter how much it hurt.

"Violetta..." A soft voice said. Levi's hand touched my cheek and I cried harder.

"He's not dead right? He'll be okay? He's going to live, right?" I cried, seeing Marmon's face in my mind.

"Violetta..." Levi whispered, wrapping his arms around me. He sat down on the bed and held me close. I sobbed, remember when rarely... saw Marmon's little smile. I clung to him, like a person who was about to be dropped off a cliff.

"He's gone..." I whispered, "I think I'm turning out to be a raven..."

***

I stood beside Xanxus in a black dress, my hair dun up in a bun with some type of pin dangling out of it. My hands were held right in front of me as I looked at the ground. Xanxus has his arm over my shoulder. I could see Reborn and Lal in the row beside us. Lal was crying and Reborn hand his hand on her back.

As the speaker told us to take our seats, I sat down slowly and Xanxus took his arm from my shoulder. I wasn't listening to the speaker as they started on a memoir of the two mafia children. The Vongola boss was there too; Tsunayoshi Sawada. The Rain, Storm, Lightning and Sun guardians were also there, holding solemn faces that I had never seen on them.

An hour passed as the speaker asked if anyone else had anything to say. No one spoke. I suddenly remembered something and my mouth started moving on its own.

"You know..." I said aloud. I heard people shuffling in their seats to get a better look at me. "Viper and I talked about what we would do if the other died one day. It was a weird conversation and I've never thought about re-thinking it until now. He told me he would play some random heavy metal song at my funeral because he knows I hate that kind of stuff. I told him I would get Lussuria to sing at his funeral because... well, that's kind of self explanatory. But now that I think about it, I'm not going to do that because that would hurt everyone's ears and no one really wants that. No offence Lussuria.

"Somehow, at the end of the conversation, we were walking into the kitchen, because we got hungry while talking about food. I remember I had fallen on my face that day because I tripped over Squalo's sword. Viper seemed as if he didn't even notice the scar on my forehead. It was the same with Colonello. I haven't known him for as long, but he wouldn't have noticed a scar. Neither of them judged from looks. They looked inside. But as I think about it now... what kind of scars have they died with? Not physical, mentally. The fact they could've saved someone if they moved a second faster might be eating them up.

"Although, I don't think that's right, because they were both horribly prideful. Wherever they are, I'm sure they're bickering about who was cooler. I'll miss both of them. A lot. But you know what? They're in a better place, somewhere were they can be number 1 and cast as many illusions as possible. I just hope... they're happy."

I was looking at my feet now, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. Xanxus put his arm around my shoulder again, rubbing my arm.

Ryohei stood up and started speaking, much louder than I was, "Colonello was my tutor, and my friend. He was the one who showed me I could do anything if I tried hard enough. He was always very prideful, like the little lady said, and I respected that.... Viper, on the other hand, was kind of quiet and logical. I knew he was quit proud of that fact. I know that we will be missing a big part of the Varia and the Arcoballeno."

A few other people started sharing; memories, memoirs, and sharing the aspects of their characters. After about 10 people, no one had anything else to share and everyone sat shuffling in their seats. Xanxus still had his arm around my shoulder, and his touch gave me comfort, even just a little.

The speaker came back up, "Thank you. You may now proceed to the foyer for beverages and food."

Lal was the first one out of there, followed by Reborn. Everyone started to stand up and exit the room. I stayed seated, looking at my shoes. Xanxus stood up, taking his arm from around me.

"You want some time?" He asked gently.

I nodded slowly, feeling tears creep into my eyes. He kissed the top of my head and began walking out of the room. Soon, everyone was gone, except me and Bel, who was standing in front of me.

"Violetta..." He whispered.

"What is it, Bel?" I asked, not looking at him.

He cupped my chin and lifted my face to look at him. I could see his eyes through his bangs; they were horribly sad. He began to close them and he kissed me softly. I kissed back, closing my eyes and trying to forget everything that had just happened. It worked for a moment, until we broke. Then everything came back to me as I opened my eyes. Bel moved his hand and kissed my forehead.

"Come out when you're ready, alright?" Bel said, softly, "You want me to wait for you?"

I was about to shake my head when I found myself nodding. Bel turned and walked towards the door. He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. I stood up and walked towards Marmon's casket. Tears were running down my face, I noticed, and they were dripping down onto the casket.

"You know Viper, I'm gonna miss the rare occasions when you smiled." I whispered to the closed black box that held a los friend, "I'm gonna miss them a lot. I hope you know wherever you are, I killed him for you. He's gone. Never gonna come back. Unless it's another machine, but the machine that we faced was far beyond repair. We could have won, Marmon. God, why did you do this?!"

I fell to my knees, pulling my hands to my face. No one knew what it was like, knowing that you could have saved someone, but didn't.

"I can't live with myself, anymore!" I cried as Bel wrapped his arms around me, "Why didn't you kill me before, Bel? I'm so useless and this never would've happened! You heard Squalo before; I'm worthless!"

"Violetta... Don't say that. It's not true." Bel said, his grip on me tightening.

"Yes it is! You don't know what it's like knowing you could've saved someone! I was right there! I could've stopped him!" I sobbed, talking to Bel's chest.

"Come on Princess. You're not worthless. And the way things worked out, with all the illusions that Ginger cast, he would have mental trauma." Bel said, stroking my hair.

"I think I will too..." I whispered, "I'm never going to forget what happened, Bel, and it's going to eat me up from the inside."

I heard Bel swallow, "God, Violetta! Don't say shit like that! You're not going to have mental trauma because everyone in the Varia will help you through this. You're not worthless, because you killed Ginger and you've saved me from being a total psychopath. You don't deserve to die, because everyone here needs you right now. Do go around putting yourself down or you're going to bring everyone else down with you. And that's the last thing we need right now. God, Violetta, Don't say shit like that!"

I felt Bel's tears fall on top of my head. I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head on his shoulder. He moved his head and I could feel his hot, uneven breathing on my neck.

"You need to stay with us Violetta." Bel whispered, "Or a hell of a lot of things will go wrong. And everyone will blame Viper. He died, you kill yourself, Xanxus and I kill ourselves, Squalo cuts his hair and Lussuria goes straight. Do you know how many nuclear bombs will explode because of that?"

I had to laugh at that, "Yea, and to think Viper would be the cause of World War three."

"Ushishishi. Can you imagine?" Bel laughed.

We both sat there, laughing at the odd images of short-haired Squalo and straight Lussuria. I smiled through my tears and looked up to Bel. I swept part of his bangs out of his face so I could see his left eye. He smiled at me and I kissed his cheek softly.

Bel nodded towards the door, "Let's go."

He stood up and offered his hand, which I took and he helped me up. I held his hand as we walked out, our fingers intertwining. As we walked into the foyer, I envied the fact that Bel had bangs to cover his red, swollen eyes and I didn't.

People were holding glasses of wine and alcoholic drinks. The room was loud and filled with the sound of voices. I kept hearing 'I'll miss them' coming from different people. Bel's hand squeezed mine, as we walked towards the bar. I wondered why there was a bar in the funeral hall, but I really didn't care.

"Bel...?" I asked, looking up to him.

"Yeah?" He sat down at an empty stool at the bar and motioned to the seat beside him.

I sat down beside him, smirking, "Don't get drunk please. I don't want you asking me to marry you."

"Ushishishi. You got it, Princess."

***

"A replacement?" I asked, astonished we had to get one so soon.

I'd only been about a month or two since Colonello and Viper died, and Xanxus already needs a replacement?

"Yea. We need an illusionist." Xanxus said, sitting in his chair, looking bored.

"Why so soon?" I asked, stretching my legs. They were getting stiff again; I needed to dance- which I hadn't done since Viper died.

"It's been 2 months, Violetta. If we don't get a replacement soon, we won't be ready for an attack." Xanxus said, watching me as I leaned to one side, stretching my leg out.

"So? It feels so wrong to fill the spot so quickly." I pouted at my older brother.

"It can't be helped Violetta." Xanxus said, then he squinted, as if he was looking at a bright light, "You need to cut your hair soon. It's getting to long."

I turned from him, stretching my other leg, "Stop changing the subject. Who the heck is going to attack us?"

"Who do you think?"

"Millefiore... Yeah, whatever. Those guys need a life other than killing other people's mafia groups."

Xanxus sighed, "That's not the point, Violetta. This is business and we can't let too many feelings get in the way of that,"

"But Marmon wasn't just an associate; he was a friend. You can't just replace a friend, even if they die." I lifted my leg straight up, my foot pointing towards the ceiling.

"I know that. But whoever we choose doesn't have to be a friend. They can just be an associate." Xanxus rubbed his forehead, "Are you going to dance soon? You look pretty stiff."

"Yeah, I think I will when I finish stretching. I hate long time periods when you do nothing."

"You could've danced, you know."

"Shut up." I hissed, "You know why I didn't, thank you very much."

"Ah, I remember the good old days when you were gentle and didn't talk to anyone but me." Xanxus said, sighing again.

"I also didn't dance then, and I know you like watching me dance." I said, walking into my room and grabbing my Pointe shoes.

"Yes, I do. But if you were to dance and only talk to me, I would be perfectly happy." Xanxus said.

"So you'd want me to be miserable." I said, walking back out into the living room. I glared at him slightly.

"I never said that."

"Well, if I stayed quiet, I'd still have fallen for Bel, and he would've gotten me to talk sometime or another, so either way, I would've ended up like this." I said, sitting on the floor and slipping one of my Pointe shoes on.

"I guess you're right. Whatever..." Xanxus ran a hand through his hair as Bel walked into the kitchen. Xanxus glared at him as he came over and kissed my cheek.

"Morning Princess." Bel mumbled.

"Good Morning Bel." I said, kissing his cheek. He smiled at me and went back into the kitchen.

I started to tie up the ribbon, winding it around my ankle. "Anyways, can't we wait a while until we find a replacement?"

"We're going to find one by the end of the month, Violetta." Xanxus said, "Are you going to dance for me then?"

"No..." I hissed, "You're a meanie."

"Don't worry, Princess." Bel grinned at me, "If you don't like him, I'll rip him apart for you."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Sure thing, Bel."

He grinned and poured himself a cup of coffee.

I'm pretty sure that everyone had forgotten about Xanxus' birthday. It was in two days and no one had said a word about it. I was starting to get worried that everyone would think it was just another day.

But as I danced to the fifth track on my CD, I let my worries fall away, hiding in the corner of my brain as I focused on the steps. I stayed to my routine this time. As oddly as it seemed, everyone in the Varia had gotten used to listening to my classical music; even Levi, who liked metal and punk rock. They'd gotten used to watching me dance; I'd danced through the whole CD a few times, without even taking a break. Squalo said it was because I was an idiot and didn't know when to stop, but Xanxus told him to shut the fuck up.

I thought about my movements, flowing gracefully like a rushing river. It took a lot of rain to get this river to keep flowing, but somehow, the water continued to move, as if nothing mattered than getting to the ocean. No one ever clapped at the end of my performances, other than Bel once in a while, but I knew they liked it from the look on their faces. It looked as if a little kid had just seen something amazing in a toy store window; that's what their eyes said. And most of the time, their lips were twitched upwards and they gave me a soft smile. I always loved that.

So when I opened my eyes now, Squalo and Lussuria had sat down and watched me. Their eyes were lit up happily and they were smiling.

"Beautiful, Princess." Bel said, grinning.

"Thanks." I smiled back.

"Ah, Teen love is so cute!" Lussuria squealed, "I can see you two getting old together."


	7. Chapter 7

_I was never one to socialise, whither at school or just around the neighbourhood. I was always the one sitting alone in the playground or sitting by myself in cafeteria. I almost never hung out with anyone, unless they offered to play something I liked to play. But even then, I hardly smiled. I was happy, I just didn't smile. Over time, my mother began to worry that I wasn't having play dates with anyone at school. I just told her I hadn't gotten to know anyone._

When I came to the Varia, everything changed. I would talk to people honestly, not caring about what they ended up thinking about me. With Bel and Xanxus telling me nice things on a daily basis, I grew from a shy little girl to a confident young woman. Or at least that's what Xanxus says. I never really saw myself as a 'young woman' but Bel says the sexiest thing about a girl is confidence and he's stayed with me for about 10 years. Squalo keeps asking us if we've had sex the pervious night, since we lost our virginities to each other when we were 19. I always get pissed off 'cause of that, but Bel just ignores it.

And then Fran came.

***

I wanted to punch someone. No, I wanted to punch Xanxus. He made the idiot come here, and I hated him. He was mean and sarcastic and retarded. He was never nice to me and always had the same stupid look on his face. Why did we have to replace Marmon? Well, I knew we had to sooner or later, but why did Xanxus have to choose him? 'Every group needs an illusionist.' Yeah... my ass.

I tied my Pointe shoes on, lacing them around my ankles tightly. Fran hadn't seen me dance yet, and I was glad, because I can only imagine what he would say.

'Do you use moves like that on Bel in bed?'

God, I hated him.

"You going to dance for me Princess?" Bel asked from the hallway. It was almost midnight and it was dark, so I couldn't see his face, but from the sound of his voice, I could tell he was smiling at me.

"Nope." I said as he walked into the living room. "I have to practice for the performance I have to do next week."

"Ushishishi." Bel snickered, "May I watch then?"

"Be my guest." I said, stretching slightly, since I didn't want to get cramps half-way through the routine.

Bel turned a chair around to face me and sat down. He was in his blue boxers and a white tank top which seemed to glow in the dark room. I smirked at him, "Can you even see me?"

"You're smirking at me." Bel said, "I can see you just fine."

I rolled my eyes, "My apologises Princey, I'm not used to letting people with long bangs watch me in the dark."

"Ushishishi." Bel grinned at me, "What's the song?"

"Sarabande." I said, turning my CD to track 11 and pressing play. I got my feet in fourth position and my arms in third as the music began to play. I let my movements flow with grace as I danced across the 'stage' I couldn't let the music get a hold of me this time, I had to stick to the routine. The piece wasn't very long, but it was meaningful... Or at least the dance was.

I was playing the main part; a girl in world war two whose village is getting attacked my Hitler. It was sunny and peaceful until he came and bombed us. Now the whole village is hurt and in pain, and the women are rushing around to help everyone they can. Until we decide to take a stand and go out to war ourselves. Dressing up as men, we go out for battle, only to find the men in our village have already been killed. We sit there morning, trying to find it in ourselves to stand back up.

The play goes on to with my character dying in the war and her mother mourning over her, trying to get me to wake up. I'm a fallen solider, that wasn't supposed to be a solider. When they find out that I'm a girl, they morn more, calling me a hero, a saviour. So, I'm the good, revolutionary person in the story, who's going against Hitler and against the male population. I only have 2 clothing changes really; a dress, while I'm in the village and a uniform while I'm at war. The music we're going to dance to will be violin and strings, which is what I normally dance to. The funniest part is that the guy playing Hitler is just about the nicest guy anyone could ever meet.

As the violins faded, I ended up with my feet in first and my arms in second; exactly where I was supposed to be. I smiled as Bel clapped softly.

"Beautiful, Princess." Bel smiled, "Stunning."

I walked over to him and kissed him softly, placing my hands on the arms of the chair. He placed his hand on my cheek and kissed back. The familiar touch of Bel's lips on mine sent me into ecstasy. I pushed my body against his, moving my legs onto the chair on either side of his body. We broke for a breath of air, but kissed again, our lips sliding against each others with lust and passion. Our bodies pushed closer and Bel slid his tongue into my mouth. After a few minutes of senseless making-out, we broke apart, both of us panting.

"You know, Princess." Bel said, between pants, "I don't think I can make out with any girl other than you. It just wouldn't be the same."

I nuzzled my nose in his neck, "Glad to hear that. I wouldn't want my prince going around kissing other girls, now, would I?"

"Ushishishi." Bel grinned, his arms moving down to my waist. I lay my head on his shoulder, "Princess...?"

"Yeah...?" I whispered, captivated in his warmth.

"We've been going out for a while now, and we're both in our 20's, so do you think we should take the next step?" He asked, quietly, slowly.

"I think we've waited long enough." I said, "But you might want to ask Xanxus first. I wouldn't want you getting killed by him on our wedding day."

Bel grinned, "Alright."

I sat down in his lap and started taking off my Pointe shoes, "Let's go to sleep. I'm tired."

Bel kissed my neck lovingly, "Alright. Are you going to make me sleep on the floor tonight?"

I laughed a little as I untied my other shoe, "No, You can sleep with me tonight."

"Ushishishi." Bel stood up, holding me bridal style, "Well, Princess, I can't wait for tomorrow."

I frowned, wrapping my arms around his neck, "I'm coming too, you know. I won't let you get hurt by the Millefiore assholes."

Bel carried me towards our room, "You know I don't want you to go though. You'll end up in a fight with Fran."

"So will you!" I huffed, "And I'm going. I don't care what you say."

Bel sighed, pushing open the door of his room with his hip. The moonlight shone through the window, lighting up the room. His bedroom was bigger than mine, and now had a queen size bed since we started sleeping together. Xanxus, at first, refused to let us sleep together, saying we were two young, but when I turned 23, I got in a fight with him and he eventually let in and bought us a bigger bed. Squalo laughed at Xanxus for giving in to his little sister, but then Squalo got kicked out of the house for a night, and he shut up about it.

Bel lay me down on the bed and I moved to the right side; my side of the bed. He crawled under the sheets and wrapped his arms around me. I cuddled up to him, vaguely wondering what I would do without him. As I drifted off to sleep in his arms, I whispered, "I love you."

***

"Well what a beautiful flag!" Lussuria said, smiling up at the flag that Levi had made, "Oh Levi, you'd do anything to put the boss in a good mood, huh~."

"Ushishishi." Bel snickered, "Yet he's still such a sullen old man, whatever you do."

"Muh..." Levi said, wincing.

"Oh shut up you guys. It's business; you know how he gets with that." I said, rolling my eyes and Squalo started yelling.

"Voooii!!" Squalo yelled, "It's about time we get fucking started!"

I rubbed my forehead, "He gets louder every year."

Bel pulled his arms behind his head as a wind blew past. We were all on the balcony; waiting for Squalo's retarded orders. I was sitting on the banister, while Lussuria was leaning against it on the other side. The rest of us were standing up, looking into the wind. We were kinda cornered, but I doubted we would lose.

"Awww man!" Lussuria said, frowning with his pinkie to his lips, "I don't like this at all. A raid is boring!! It doesn't go well with defence!"

"We can't expect any help from the remaining Vongola allied forces, can we?" Bel asked, grinning. "If only Bucking Horse didn't get send to Japan, huh?"

"Oh, suck it up!" I hissed, "You're the Varia right? Supposed to be the best in the Vongola and you're letting these Millefiore idiots get a hold of you? What the hell have I been hanging out with you for?"

"The lady's right! What's with all you're whining?" Levi said, his eyebrows furrowed, "These puny enemies! I can take them down easily!"

"Levi-sama," Fran said, looking over to us, "In that case, why don't you go ahead and take them down yourself, please. I'll stay here and watch."

"What?!" Levi exclaimed, looking at Fran in shock.

Bel snickered and sat down beside me.

"But, this landscape means they can only attack from a few positions!" Levi said with enthusiasm, "We're not in a disadvantage at all!"

"By the way, you used 'but' there is all wrong, old lightning pervert." Fran said.

"Oh, will you shut up and get serious, Fran? You know exactly what he meant." I said, resisting the temptation to hurt him.

"What the hell did you just call me?!" Levi said, being held back by Lussuria.

"Such a beautiful sky, isn't it?" Fran said, turning from Levi and looking up.

I looked up as well. The starts were everywhere, looking just as amazing as the first night I went out with Lussuria, Levi and Bel so long ago. I couldn't help but let out a small, "Yeah, it is..."

"So, what're we now, Commander Squalo?" Lussuria asked, once Levi had calmed down.

"Hm..." Squalo's eye brows were furrowed, meaning his was actually thinking for once, "Levi and Lussuria, standby in the castle and wait for my signal. If anything happens, you'll be back up. I'll guard the entrance on the east. Bel and Fran will cover the south, Take any minions you like with you."

"Geh, do I have to look after Fran?" Bel asked, scrunching up his nose at the boy. He jumped down from the banister and walked towards Levi.

"As if I like that. I don't like your type at all. Because I took over mammon's place, I'm forced to wear this stupid had. I didn't agree to wear this hat, you know." Fran said, looking as cool as ever.

"Well, then why the hell did you join the Varia, you idiot. Besides, it covers up some of your face, which is fine by me." I said, "You look better with it on."

Fran glared at me, and Bel turned to look at Squalo, "Battle Commander Squalo.... That Froggy might die during the mission... By my hand, that is."

"Shut it, Brat!" Squalo yelled, "When rookie officers are baby officers, there's sure to be trouble!"

"I'm not a baby anymore though." Bel said, grinning.

I sighed as Levi motioned towards Bel, most likely trying to mentally communicate with him, telling him to kill Fran anyways. He hated Fran just as much as I did.

"Nah!" Bel said, holding his hands behind his head, "If I did it, I'll end up teaming up with you. That's worse."

Squalo kneed Levi's stomach, causing him to cough, "Stop switching ideas and talking nonsense!"

"Uu..." Levi tried to speak, although he was having difficulties. "Got... Me... There...."

He fell to the floor and Squalo poked him with his sword.

"Ufu~" Lussuria clasped his hands together, "We're really such a messy squad; physically and mentally.'

I was getting pissed at this point, since we were sitting around doing nothing but bickering. I stood up on the banister, my hands on my hips, "You freaking idiots! Are we going to finish the job or are you going to argue all fucking night? Hurry up and let's go!"

"You heard the girl! Get your asses out there!" Squalo yelled. "Take whatever rookie minion with you as you please!"

As I jumped down from the balcony, I heard Bel say a small, "That's my woman, before following Fran after me.

"We're gonna kill them all~!" Lussuria yelled happily from the balcony, "Don't forget your boxes!"

Squalo was yelling at Levi, but I didn't listen as I landed swiftly on the ground. Fran landed beside me and then so did Bel.

"Let's hurry. We don't want to stand here to long or Squalo will yell at us." I said, dashing into the forest, Fran and Bel on my trail.

"Princess, Come back here with me." Bel said. I looked back at him and slowed down slightly. He took my hand and we started moving together, Fran in front of us.

"Bel-senpai. I think that you go in front after all. Having the killing intent emitted at my back hurts." Fran said, still looking forward.

Bel chuckled, "No way. But until I decide if I'm going to stab you in your heart or your head."

"Oh will you two quit it?" I hissed, pissed off by the noise. If the enemy found us in the state we're in now, then we would have no chance of winning.

"What? It's not my fault he's a fallen prince." Fran said.

I kicked him off the tree branch he was on and he fell towards the ground.

"Keep up to bastard." I yelled, moving faster.

Fran jumped back up pretty quickly and for some retarded reason, he moved in front of us again, "Ah, you made me cry. I'm reporting you to our long-haired idiotic commander and asking for his permission to kill you, Senpai."

"Oh suck it up." I hissed, "You just fell, it's not like a tsunami hit you."

"Oi! You'll be dead, if I stab you." Bel said in my defence.

"You know, I've been thinking... Senpai, your head really isn't screw on right. You must have been chased out of your homeland, right? You must have been hated by your family so you can't go home and joined the Varia instead, right?"

Bel shot two knives into Fran's back and he almost fell again. "You fool... No such thing."

"It's because I killed everyone there." Bel said, throwing another knife.

"Geh! Enough!" Fran said, almost tripping again, "Please stop with the stabbing."

"Fran, how about you just stop talking before you die of blood loss or something." I sighed, getting frustrated with the two boys.

"It's not my fault, Violetta-senpai. He keeps hitting me even if I don't say anything." Fran complained.

"Well, I'll tell him not to." I said, counting the number of knives in Fran's back.

"I doubt that will work. He hates me." Fran frowned.

Bel threw another 3 knives at him, "Of course I do. You're annoying!"

"See what I mean?" Fran said, stopping at a tree branch.

I turned to look at Bel, "Act your age, Bel. Stop acting like a little kid."

Bel frowned, "But its fun."

I sighed, "To bad. Come on, let's set up a trap here."

"Bel-senpai? Can you pull out the knives from my back first? Your renowned knives have such a weird shape; it's kinda embarrassing having it stick out of my back like this."

Bel looked blankly at Fran, "Return all the knives to my by nightfall, not one must be missing."

"I'm not doing it." Fran said, taking two knives out of his back and breaking one, "This stupid toy, this stupid toy..."

"You bastard." Bel said angrily, his ring's flame glowing brightly.

I stood up and looked around, placing my hand on Bel's head. "Be quiet for a sec, Bel."

"Something wrong Princess?" Bel asked, looking up at me.

"I can sense someone coming." I said, glaring around, searching for a figure in the shadows.

"Are you sure? Or are you're senses deceiving you?"

Bel took out his box and pushed his ring inside it, the box bursting open and his mink coming out and wrapping over his shoulders.

"I can tell you're angry at me, Bel senpai. I won't do anymore!" Fran said, turning around. The rest of the knives came out of his back and fell towards the ground.

"Brat." Bel hissed, the mink flew towards a tree, "Go to hell."

It bounced off the tree and headed straight for Fran. Fran ducked and the mink hit two of the Millefiore soldiers behind him; they had been disguised as trees from the beginning.

"Hey, Violetta-senpai, you figured out they were troops from the start?" Fran asked.

"Yea. There are about thirty around here." I said.

"What a surprise." Fran said blankly, "No wonder your dating the genius."

"Ushishishi." Bel grinned, "Of course, I'm the genius, because I'm the prince."

"Charge!" One of them yelled and they all advanced towards us; soldiers and a few box weapons.

"Well, won't this be fun..." I grumbled as Bel took my hand.

"You guys still don't understand your situation." Fran said.

"Stay there and wash your neck." Bel said, still holding my hand. "Finish them off Storm Mink."

As I watched the display of fire, I squinted; the flames were bright and blinding. I heard a few of the soldiers yell something, but I didn't care to hear them. Bel wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. I leaned my head on his chest as we both watched the flames.

"Anything that touches the storm monks fur will start degenerating due to the storm flames attribute." Fran said.

"Explanation complete." Bel said. "It's been hard on you."

"Say, don't you feel it too?" Bel said. "What a fierce fire."

"Don't you ever spare a thought on the environmental crisis?" Fran asked as Bel pulled me closer.

Suddenly, water came in and splashed across the fire, putting it out completely.


	8. Chapter 8

_I always hated seeing people fighting in the schoolyard. I always thought it was pointless to beat each other up because of some stupid thing that happened at school. Nothing at school was even that important, so why cause pain over nothing? My mother always told me it was because boys don't know how to let their anger out in appropriate ways. I've learned that to be at least partly true, since everyone at the Varia base had anger issues and often started fighting one way or another._

At the base, I was the disciplinarian, taking care of useless fights and putting an end to them. I actually grounded Squalo one time, and he listened to me, which was pretty funny, since it was with Bel he thought I was being biased. But no matter what they fought about, they always ended up getting over it one way or another. I asked Bel, why they fight so reluctantly, and he shrugged, saying it was a man's instinct. I never really got that, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

I've gotten used to it.

***

A pelican came out of the smoking forest and I got confused.

"A rain attribute...?"

"Pelican?" Bel asked.

I almost laughed at his confused expression and his choice of words but I didn't, thinking it would've been the wrong time.

A gruff, darker man came out of the smoke, wearing a suit as flames shot out of his feet. He looked at Bel, "It's been a long time Bel-sama."

Bel frowned up at the man, "Hmm?"

"Do you still recognise me?" The man asked, holding up his now empty box.

Bel still looked confused, "Who _are_ you?"

"In the past, I am Bel-sama's... No, your family's butler." The man said, glaring at Bel. "My name is Olgelt."

"What a strange name. You can't expect me to remember it." Bel said as Fran stood up. "Don't tell me you're posing as an ally and asking me to pardon you. It's no use though, I don't need a butler."

"Of course not." Olgelt said, his brows furrowed, "Because I will only served the prince who will become king."

Bel looked like he was getting more and more confused as the conversation went on. "Isn't that me?"

"That's not true, Bel." A voice said as something emerged from the smoke.

"Ah?" Fran squinted at the figure who sat in a chair happily. He suddenly looked very confused, looking from Bel to the figure and back again.

I smirked, letting go of Bel, "Well, if it isn't Rasiel."

I only knew Bel's brother's name because he had told me all about his family one day. How he killed them all off, one by one. I always found it kind of scary, knowing I was going out with a potential psychopath. But after we started going out, he hasn't killed anyone.

He grinned, "Who is this pretty little lady and why is she out here with my stupid brother?"

"Jill?" Bel asked, confused by the sight of his brother which he supposedly killed. Fran mumbled something to himself and I kept staring at the brother.

"Is that guy some kind of illusion?" Bel asked Fran, since he was supposed to be our new illusionist, but failed at the fact.

"He's not." I said, "I can tell from a feeling."

"Well, I believe you." Bel said, holding my hand, "But, Moron, isn't seeing through illusions an illusionist's job?"

"Er... um..." Fran stuttered for a second, "I don't think they're using an illusion, even though it's just a feeling."

"Belphegor!" Rasiel called, pulling up his shirt to show his stomach. "It can't be helped that you suspect me, but I'm not a fake or a look-alike. 'Because there's the same mole on both of our stomachs plus, the scars you gave me... Isn't this evident, enough?"

"It looks like the real one." Bel said.

"Have you ever seen that mole, Violetta?" Fran asked, looking over to me.

"What's it to you?" I hissed, glaring at him.

"Well I thought since you've had se-"

I pushed him off the tree branch and watched him fall, "I hope you crack your head on a rock!"

"Ushishishi." Bel grinned at me, "You're so cute when you're angry."

I pouted, "I hate him."

"I know you do, Princess." Bel said, "I'll kill him one day for you, don't worry."

"Anyways, what's the story to all this?" Asked Fran as he came back up to stand beside us.

"Ever since birth, our relationship has worsened." Bel began. He'd already told me the story, but I always found how stupid it was for them to do that hilarious. "That day, we started rubbing snot on each others faces, then throwing rocks, then bigger rocks, then knives and then.. Finally eternal victory."

"Senpai, you can say such violence and sad drama in such a humorous manner." Fran said, holding his hands behind his back.

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, cut the crap! The guy's not an illusion and we get he's supposed to be dead, now, why the hell are you here?"

Rasiel laughed, "Such a feisty one! I can see why I caught something off you! Although you wouldn't have been of much use to me."

I snapped, "What did you just say?"

"Oh shit..." Bel grinned, "You're in for it now, Brother."

"Nice going..." Fran said, stepping away from me slightly.

The ring on my finger exploded in flames and I took out my box.

"Oh! So fierce! I like it! I like it!" Rasiel laughed, putting his hand on his forehead.

I pushed my ring into my box and it opened, letting out my box animal; my dragon serpent- Serafina. She was angry, just like me. She roared loudly and Rasiel covered his ears. She moved quickly towards him, but was stopped by the pelican.

'Divert his attention, Sera.' I thought and Sera seemed to know. She made a second 'copy' of herself to confuse the pelican, which it did and wrapped herself around Rasiel's neck. He started coughing, but somehow managed to let out his own box weapon to help him; bats with the storm attribute.

"Oh great, Violetta-senpai. What now?" Fran asked casually as Serafina was getting attacked by the bats.

"Just you wait asshole." I said, jumping from the tree branch onto, the now freed Rasiel's chair.

"What do you think you're doing? Trying to kill a king?" Rasiel asked, looking up at me.

"I'm not weak, you retarded, stupid, shitty, pathetic excuse for a prince." I said, stepping down on his balls. He kneeled over and started yelling in pain. I kneed him in the face with my other leg and jumped back into the tree branch. Olgelt, who was going to attack me, had to stop in mid swing to not hit Rasiel.

"I'm proud of you, Princess." Bel grinned as his mink attacked the pelican.

"What about you're animal, Fran?" I asked as Bel wrapped his arms around me.

"I couldn't decide on a pose." Fran said blankly.

"Pose?" Bel frowned.

"Don't all heroes who transform or magicians who cast spells have those?" Fran held his finger up, "I'm the type of person for whom doing that is necessary."

Bel let go of me and held up three knives, "I'm going to kill you, or can you omit suicide here?"

"So, what I'm saying is, can I take this thing off?" Fran asked looking at his hell ring. He started fidgeting with his hat, "The thing is though, I can't raise my arms because of this hat."

"No! You'll die wearing this!" Bel hissed.

"You seem to have... quite the girl there, Bel." Rasiel said, still in pain.

"Of course I do." Bel grinned at his brother, "She's my princess."

"Heh, the princess should be mine then, shouldn't she?" Rasiel asked, grinning slightly.

"Hell no." I said sternly. "No way I'll ever go for a stuck up, shitty little brat like you."

_  
_Bel grinned, "See? I can't decide that. She's on her own with decisions."

"By the way, I haven't restrained myself until a while ago." Rasiel said, grinning.

I gasped, "The bats!"

Bel's ear exploded in a mass of blood and gore. Blood came spurting out of his mouth and I screamed.

"Senpai?" Fran said, before his ears and mouth exploded in blood as well. They fell from the tree and landed with a sickly thug on the ground.

"Bel!" I screamed, falling to my knees.

Rasiel started laughing. "It's war! Did you expect me to be fighting in four dimensions?"

I looked at Bel on the ground, blood pouring out of his head and I tried my hardest not to scream again. He was explaining something but I wasn't listening. I jumped down from the tree and landed beside Bel. My eyes were wide as I shook his shoulder, "Bel?"

"Gah... ku..." He was having trouble speaking as blood came seeping out of his wounds.

"You seem to like my shitty brother more than I expected." Rasiel said. "I bet you'd like me more if you gave me a try."

"You... Never! I love Bel more than anything!" I said as 'tears' came to my eyes, "You'll never take me away from him!"

"Alright then. Shatter." Rasiel grinned as his bats finished off Bel and Fran.

"No!" I screamed in fake agony.

"Baha! Serves you right, you shitty brother!" Rasiel laughed, "Ever since you were born, it was your destiny to wind up like this! At least you'll die with your girlfriend there!"

One of the elephants hovered above us and it held up one of its feet. I screamed as it crushed down on it. I fell to the ground, pretending I was dead.

"Bahaha! What a masterpiece!" Rasiel laughed. "The Varia is so weak! Because, after all, they're a never ending group of fail!"

I was resisting the urge to get up and attack him. Just barely. They were sending something to attack Xanxus too, but I knew he would be alright. He's the boss for a reason. He'd kill Rasiel, since he hurt me too.

As they moved away, I gasped, sitting up and started removing leaves from my hair. "I hate your family, Bel."

"I do too. That's why I killed them." Bel said sitting up as well as our former, dead selves faded into ashes. "Nice acting by the way."

"Thank you." I smirked.

"Mist illusion?" Bel asked, turning to Fran.

"Bingo." Fran said the same calm, look on his face. He spat a bit of blood out of his mouth. "Your eyeballs popped out with a big 'poing' too. I came up with a real horror-movie death scene."

"You little twit!" Bel said, kicking Fran, "Fight, for fuck's sake!"

"He didn't have a choice, Bel." I said, "You were groggy when the flames from the bat got you."

"All because he didn't get his box weapon opened." Bel said, pinning the blame on Fran again.

"You mean it's my fault?" Fran asked as a few leaves fell off his hat.

"Of fucking course!" Bel said angrily.

"Both of you calm your shit down." I said, standing up. "We should go back and help Lussuria or Levi."

"What about Xanxus?" Bel asked.

I looked towards the castle where Xanxus sat in his chair. I saw it exploded, and I swallowed, "I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I'm just wondering. Your boss gets all angry and fierce when he's with the Varia and he's always swaggering around. But is he really that strong?"

"If he was a weakling, I'd have killed him in his sleep years ago." Bel said, standing up and shaking the leaves off him.

"But don't you want to see who's stronger? Our boss or your idiotic brother?" Fran said, doing the same.

I started walking away, then heard a 'Fuck yea' coming from Bel. I was pissed off, and I really didn't know why. I started walking faster, wanting to get back to Lussuria as fast as I could.

"Hey! Wait up, Princess!" Bel called, running after me. He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and started walking beside me.

"When are you guys getting married?" Fran asked.

"What?!" I yelled, turning around to stare at him like he had 5 heads.

"You've been going out for son long, when are you getting married?" Fran asked the same blank look on his face.

"That's none of your fucking business." I hissed.

"I have to ask Xanxus first, or I'll be killed." Bel said.

"It's like asking a father or something." Fran said, following behind us with heavy footsteps.

"He was 9 when I was born." I said, glaring back at him, "He's my brother."

"Still, Don't you think it's a little odd for him to treat you like this?" Fran asked.

"Will you shut up? I hadn't seen him until I was fifteen! He's going to protect me, obviously." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Is something wrong Princess? You're not in a good mood." Bel asked, bending over slight to look at my face.

"I don't even know. I'm pissed." I sighed, letting my arms fall to my sides.

"You've been in a bad mood since ... Wednesday." Bel frowned, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm sure I'll feel better in a while, and Fran, if you say anything sarcastic, I'll rip you apart myself." I said, my arm wrapping around Bel's waist as my hand slid into his back pocket.

"Whatever you say, Violetta- senpai." Fran said from behind us.

I stopped walking, looking around, "Show yourselves, you cowards! Didn't you think I knew you were there?"

A few Millefiore soldiers appeared and they had us surrounded. I smirked as Serafina came over and started burning some of the soldiers.

"Wasn't she in her box?" Bel asked his arm still around me.

"No.... I never put her away." I said. A bright light burst in the air and stayed there for about 5 seconds before it faded. I rolled my eyes, "That idiot finally got serious about this whole thing."

"Che, over already?" Bel said, frowning at the light. "In the end, all these enemies crawling around caused us to miss the show."

"It wouldn't have been much of a show. Xanxus isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer but he's not a total retard. He's not going to let the Millefiore kill him." I said as Serafina finished up in the soldiers. I took out my empty box, "Come on Sera."

She went back in her box and I slipped it back into my sweater. I heard an 'Oh no' come from one of the fallen soldiers wristbands and turned to look at it; it was glowing and a figure appeared, "This is merely a little break; both the main battle in Italy and the Melone base in Japan."

"You know, I'm getting sick of you Byakuran." I hissed, "I'm not in the mood for your shit."

***

After Byakuran told us the two battles were fake, I got angry and stomped away. I almost passed out by the time I got to the ruined base, but Xanxus was glad I was okay. He gave me a big hug and Fran made some sarcastic remark I ignored.

We stayed at my old house that night, since we would've been on the streets otherwise. With Bel and I sleeping in the same bed, and Fran sleeping on the couch, there were enough beds. It was kind of dusty, but after opening a few windows, it looked good as new. Or, something like that.

Bel said I should go to the doctors while he talked with Xanxus about 'the next step'. I did, and I didn't like what I heard, at all. But at least it explained all my symptoms. And the doctor was a good walk away, which game me time to think. I didn't get how it happened; so many things were happening at once. First, the stupid Millefiore shows up and Viper dies, and then Fran comes and Bel asks me about the 'next step'. Then this?! What else could go wrong? Well, I wouldn't call 'the next step' wrong, but if Xanxus says no.... Damn, I hate my life.

When I came up to the house, Bel was waiting outside for me. His hair was moving about in the wind and he didn't have his tiara on. As I neared closer, he turned and smiled at me. I weakly smiled back and ran over to greet him. I hugged him tightly and buried my head in his chest. He hugged me just as tightly, holding me close, almost sensing my need for his warmth.

"Are you standing out here because Xanxus kicked you out?" I asked, looking up to him.

He smiled, "Nope."

"So he said yes?"

Bel nodded, grinning. "You'll be mine soon, Princess."

I smiled, "I already am yours."

"Yes, but... you know what I mean..." He said.

I held my head to his chest again as he sighed. I felt his breath on my ear too, as he pulled me closer.

"What did the doctor say?" Bel asked, brushing his hand against my cheek.

"Um..." I looked at my feet. "Uh...."

"Did the VSD come back?" Bel took my shoulders and looked in my eyes, "Tell me, Violetta."

I bit my lip, "Siamo in stato di gravidanza."


	9. Chapter 9

_My mother always told me I was a kicker. When I was in her womb, I would always kick her and my Father would always talk to me, telling me to be a little less reckless. Even after I was born, I would always fidget in my crib, and kick at the wooden poles that surrounded me. During ballet, I would be the one who was chosen to demonstrate a move because of my swift, high jumps and my flexibility. In Figure skating, my jumps and twists were always higher and more powerful than normal because of my strong legs._

But no matter what anyone told me, I would refuse to let them say I was my legs were my strongpoint. I had always thought was my graceful movements were my strongpoint. Without my movements, I wouldn't have such strong legs. My arms helping with balance and my graceful movements caused me to grow strong legs to support me.

I realised that there wasn't such a thing as I, just us. Every river needs some rain.

~~~

But all that was eight years ago. I'm 34 now and Celino is 7. He's just like his father, always causing trouble and picking fights with his friends. We can't control him to much, but at least we try. Our second is on the way and Xanxus is going to come over next week to visit his nephew.

It was funny, because when I was two months in, Xanxus finally noticed and asked what the hell was wrong with me. I started crying and told him everything, which was kind of funny, remembering his shocked reaction to it. He almost murdered Bel, but I kept sobbing and he let it go. He's been a big help though, since he helped pay for part of our house when we moved out of the Varia base. He refuses to let us pay him back too, which is nice, but slightly annoying.

Bel's gotten a job as a substitute math teacher a Celino's school, for grade 7's and 8's though, so he doesn't get to see Celino much. For some odd reason, the real math teacher has to go on leaves because of a medical condition, so Bel fills in for him most of the time. The kids have learned to love him, which is really nice, considering the things he's done in the past.

He still works for the Varia; he says he will until Xanxus dies or a new boss comes. I really don't get why he does that, but I guess I can't do anything about it. Lussuria, Levi, and Squalo come down every Saturday to play with Celino, so Bel and I can have a date or something. But I'm surprised how gentle they all are with him. They start acting like kids too, and Celino ends up calling them immature, even though, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what that means.

Celino has his father's personality; devilish and slightly selfish. We're teaching him to share still, and be a bit gentler, which is starting to work. He has the same hair color as mine but his eyes look like Xanxus'; sharp and serious. Our boy is very talented too, since all his Uncle's know how to do things they pass on. Squalo taught him how to swim and Levi taught him loyalty, which I always thought was kind of creepy. Xanxus taught him how to hold a good poker face (bite down on your tongue until it hurts. The pain distracts you from whatever's going on) and Lussuria taught him how to be a ladies man. That last one seems horribly odd to me.

I can tell Bel is as happy as can be though. He's cut his hair so you can at least see part of his eyes and he comes home and hugs me grandly everyday. I can tell he's changed from his old, psychopath self and has finally matured into a man. He never pressures me into things and he tells me he loves me all the time. I honestly can't believe how much he's changed. He says it's all my fault (his sarcasm has never left him) but I say it's the kids. The kids he works with at school love him. They always take pictures with him at graduation (The saddest and happiest part of the year) and they thank him for making math fun.

Now, you may be wondering what I'm doing. I'm a dance instructor; how typical, huh? But at least it's not all ballet. The boys and girls I teach come from different genres- not just classical. So I started listening to all the different genre's when Celino was about 3. I've learned to love rock and pop as well as rap and music from places other than Italy. The kids in my dance class are amazing, always coming up with funny jokes to tell me or stories that they found on the internet.

Bel and I both love our jobs, even if we're surrounded by kids. Well, I'm off work for a while since I'm pregnant again. But Alessia, who is my replacement, comes over after every practice and gives me the cards and gifts the kids send me.

So many things have happened in 18 years. And I'm still kind of getting over all of it, but I know it will all be alright. I decided to believe that a long time ago. I remember a week after Xanxus took me in, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't stop believing that everything would turn out alright. And really, now that I think about it, if I hadn't made that promise, I'd be killing me to this very day. God, it would be eating me up from the inside, like Viper and Colonello's scars, or Bel's guilty confessions; but that's not going to happen.

I'm here and I'm now and nothing's ever going to turn out right, but that's okay because I have a family to support me and I know I'll be alright, even if the world isn't.  



End file.
